Energising the Agile Way of Working brand and mindset

On my way to Léon

Martyn Richard Jones

Brussels 10th June 2019

Today I want to talk with you about energising the Agile Way of Working brand.

Sadly, the Agile Way of Working movement seems to be temporarily on the wane. The adoption rate of AWOW has not risen in line with expectations. It’s stuck in the doldrums between Scylla and Charybdis. Which makes for frowns all around.

But, me being me, I didn’t leave it at that. That’s a challenge, right there! Let’s go for it! Let’s turn those frowns upside-down

As result, I searched for a way to help the Agile@Scale crowd out, and I eventually came up with ten amazing pieces of incredible advice on how to easily make ‘Agile Way of Working’ truly something worth having around.

So, here we have it:

  1. First, change its name from the Agile Way of Working to the Agile Way of Whacking Off (Agile WOWO), you know, a touchy-feely way to “sex up” requirements. Bush and Blair style.
  2. Epics will be referred to as Dodgy Dossiers, User Stories will become Curated Jokes and Sprints will become Streaks.
  3. People working on Streaks will be known as Streakers, chapter members will be known as Schleppers and guild members will be known as Schmucks, everyone else will be referred to as Bernie or Helen.
  4. Every morning Dodgy Dossier Owners must repeat the term “Agile Operating Model” until they puke their guts out.
  5. All Scrum and Kanban boards are be replaced with life-sized wack-a-mole models.
  6. Only those kitted out as My Little Pony or Princess Line can use coloured post-it notes.
  7. Anyone caught using the names Google, Spotify, Netflix or Zappos.com will be denied the oxygen of publicity.
  8. Anyone evidenced repeating the terms “by design”, “learning journey” and “minimum viable product” will be denied the oxygen of oxygen.
  9. Anyone caught using comic images of rockets, astronauts or planets (including the sun) anywhere in their “content” will be forever referred to as a feckin space-cadet.
  10. If you can’t defecate rainbows on demand then you have no right being involved in Agile at Scale or the Agile Way of Whacking Off.

There you have it. Ten jolly and sensible policies for a happy world of Agile at Scale and Agile WOWO.

Many thanks for reading,

This is Martyn Jones of goodstrat.com – THE GOOD STRATEGY COMPANY

Until next time.

Contact me at martyn dot jones at goodstrat dot com

Hadoop is sinking because big data is bullshit

Martyn Jones

Martyn Richard Jones

Bruxelles 4th June 2018

The Big Data bullshit well was always going to run dry. They didn’t believe me.

Now it’s very clear.

They were wrong. I was right. I told them so.  

Gloat? Me? Why, hell yeah!

I am laughing at the shameless and opportunistic fools, charlatans and chancers of Big Data and the Hadoop ecosphere, because it’s the very least they deserve.

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Leadership 7s – Episode 1 – S01E01

Leadership 7s S01E01

This is the first in a series of management talking points. The name Leadership 7s has been influenced by the great game of rugby, which is was the emblematic game of my youth and a passion of the home country of my Mom and Dad, Wales.

In fact, much of what I learned about leadership in my formative years came from fundamentally social influences such as rugby union.

So, today I want to address seven talking points that deal with aspects of leadership, coaching and management.

Agile at Scale is bullshit by design

cropped-p4010326.jpgMartyn Ricard Jones

Bruxelles 28th May 2019

To begin at the beginning

To paraphrase the great Bob Hoffman. Just when you thought that if evangelists for Agile were to generate one more ounce of bullshit the entire fucking solar system would explode, what do they do? Exceed expectations.

And how did they do that? Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Agile at Scale with all the miscellaneous, spiced-up and vainglorious crap-on-the-side that accompanies it.

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My post-EU election advice to the UK Labour Party leadership

003Martyn Richard Jones

Bruxelles 27th May 2019

My post-EU election advice to the UK Labour Party leadership

As I commented to Keir Starmer today “Labour are making a fundamental mistake and it ain’t working, Keir”.

Labour’s approach to Brexit is completely the wrong strategy and it’s doing nobody (apart from Nigel Farage) any favours. No Brexit will benefit the immense majority of the country, we know that, and we know that the EU is not going to cut a better deal for anyone, regardless of their political flavour, because that’s just the way it is.

Like it or loath it, but, Theresa May probably struck the best Brexit deal that the UK can aspire to, and it was roundly rejected, for various reasons, by Westminster. No, the best Brexit deal is no Brexit at all.

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UK PM May resigns amidst “departure means departure” fracas

Picture6

Brussels 25th May 2019

If the resignation of Theresa May has taught us something it is that we can’t be taught anything. Yes, May has resigned as leader of the Tories, but is she capable of delivering her actual departure from Downing Street on time in the way she seems to be saying she will? And, do the Tory MPs and their supporters actually know what departure from Downing Street really looks like? Does departure mean departure? Should it be a hard or soft departure? A crash out departure or a negotiated departure? Or, should we all have another vote on it? Or perhaps that would be undemocratic and against the “will of the people”?

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