Big Data Predictions for 2017: How did we do?

landscape-shore-sunset-clouds.jpgMartyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette, 5th January 2018.

It’s that time again.

However…

I forgot to send festive greetings cards. I forgot to buy presents. And, I forgot to do my usual festive time articles on times past, times present and times future.

But, I’m getting there.

This is a look back at my Big Data predictions for 2017 (Big Big Big Data predictions) and how I did. There are ten predictions so it’s not a Norse Saga… Okay, give me a break already, it’s only the 5th of January… Continue reading

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Three really stupid things you can do with a Data Lake

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMartyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette, 27th December 2017

To begin at the beginning

First, a thought.

Just because it’s there, it doesn’t mean it has to be done. Just because you can, it doesn’t mean that you should. Just because you believe you are right, doesn’t mean that you are not wrong.

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What if the Hadoop Ecosphere Were a Box of Chocolates

Giant-Chocolate-Elephant

Martyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette, 12th December 2017

Just because it looks like a bunch of half-baked crap, based on some well shoddy ideas and made by a surfeit of half-arsed chancers, doesn’t mean that it is, does it…

Even though it is.

Sorry! But, I digress.

If the Hadoop ecosphere were a box of chocolates, it would come in fantastic packaging that would make the grandest of Belgian chocolatiers emerald green with envy.

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Bullshit in Barcelona: How not to serve your constituents

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thatsALLfolks

Martyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette 7th October 2017

Let’s face it, the recent fake referendum in Catalonia has been end to end bullshit.

It’s bullshit because that’s what you call a referendum that has no constitutional guarantees, that does not allow for an informed and plural debate and dialogue, and which is not the culmination of a process that leads to a consensual ending in the form of a collective and democratic plebiscite. It’s bullshit, because in calling the referendum and then insisting on the referendum the Catalan government have placed the public in harm’s way. Continue reading

The Bastards of Big Data: You can’t blame Putin for all of this bullshit

Image4Martyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette 7th October 2017

In my life, I have never seen such a destructive and mindless movement in data architecture and management as that which has been nurtured, groomed and promoted by those who labour relentlessly, perfidiously and insidiously to ensure the continued and simultaneously unbelievable relevance of disruptive corporate-terrorising Big Data bullshitters, venomous data-oil hucksters and PowerPoint enabled know-nothing digital-arseholes. Continue reading

Business Data Explained: The Long Read

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Martyn Richard Jones, Gif sur Yvette 23rd September 2017

Integrity

Hi, Friends. As always, it’s great to be able to engage with you again. I am writing to you from the splendorous, wooded and verdant French town of Gif sur Yvette, and I wanted to take this opportunity to address aspects of data for an audience beyond the interests of data management and architecture people.

There is confusion about some of the fundamental aspects of business data, and there shouldn’t. If we strip away all of the boloney, it’s a subject that is quite approachable. In short, ‘it is not rocket surgery’. Continue reading

UK Government, Global Charlies

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Picture6Martyn Richard Jones

Bonn 31st August 2017

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, the view of the UK government doesn’t get any better.

Edinburgh, London, Brussels, Beijing or Washington. It’s increasingly obvious that Theresa May and her cabinet are a painfully embarrassing and unfunny joke.

They stand as an obdurate aberration where once there had been some semblance of cultured diplomacy, breadth and depth of intelligence and strategic thinking. They defy the laws of reason, good sense and decency. They are the Keystone Cops, the Chuckle Brothers and the Carry On Camping of governance. Continue reading

Brexit: A question for Jeremy Corbyn

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characters_tcm993-156042Martyn Richard Jones

Bonn 28th August 2017

In my opinion, Brexit, any Brexit, could spell economic, political and social disaster for the UK. Brexit could ensure the demise of the Good Friday Agreement, with seriously damaging consequences. It could see the independence of Scotland – not necessarily a bad thing for Scotland, but yet another unintended consequence of Brexit. And, it could significantly deteriorate the rights and conditions of workers in the UK.

So, I wish to put a Brexit question to Jeremy Corbyn.

Will the working people in the UK be better off if the UK leaves the European Union?

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UK: Better off with Brexit

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Picture6Martyn Jones

Bornheim, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany – 25th August 2017

When you offer people all of the benefits of the single market and the customs union, but without any of the EU bureaucracy, constraints and costs, what happens?

We ran an experimental consultation last year in the UK just to demonstrate what happens when bat-shit-crazy mad-cow Britain has a chance to throw a spanner in the works. Some people will inevitably believe the boloney whilst others will use it as a mere tool in a simple-minded and obtuse attempt to rationalise their own irrationality and misanthropy. Nobody can throw a spanner in the works quite like the Brits.

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