Martyn Richard Jones
Dublin 10th May 2017
Throw AI, Big Data and Data Science into a pot, and what have you got?
Yes. A pig’s breakfast, not fit for a pig.
Martyn Richard Jones
I first became involved in commercial analytics in the eighties. First, through my involvement in customer segmentation and data visualisation, principally in banking but also in energy, manufacturing and the chemical industry. It also emerged later, in conjunction with my activities at the Sperry European Centre for AI, and was centred on pricing and yield management applications developed using a combination of statistical techniques, expert system technology and data centre architectures all tightly integrated within a 4GL development and delivery environment. This provided a comprehensive and seamless scenario building, hypothesis testing and reporting capability. Continue reading
Big Data is all pervasive, all seeing and all knowing.
Everyone is doing Big Data, and if they aren’t then they will. It’s inevitable.
Big Data will revolutionise the worlds of data, decision making and business.
Am I right, or am I right?
“Half the time she did things not simply, not for themselves; but to make people think this or that; perfect idiocy she knew for no one was ever for a second taken in.” Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway
It’s all very well for the blithering Big Data bullshitter savants to now claim, after a massive exercise in u-turning, that Big Data isn’t after all about data volumes, velocities and varieties, but about some minor variation on the theme of data architecture, management and processing.
But, look at the mess! Continue reading
Why buy when you can get it for free?
Back at you! Here is the fifth fantastic delivery of an amazing and fabulous selection of free and widely available business analytics learning content, which has been prepared… just for you. Continue reading
Martyn Richard Jones
I have questions about data.
Most of us who have more than a cursory knowledge of the English language have heard of the phrase ‘too much information’. We know what it means, even if we don’t always know when to apply it.
For those who don’t know, or are unsure, the Urban Dictionary describes ‘too much information’ as “An expression of exasperation and disgust when a person is divulging personal details of his sex life, toilet habits, or anything the listener finds disgusting, uninteresting, and unwelcome.”
Sum, sum. Just because we know it, doesn’t mean we should share it or even try and remember it, never mind go about analysing the hell out of it.
This is where Big Data comes in. Continue reading
Martyn Richard Jones
When you have read this, if indeed you read it all, will I have failed to convey the essence of what I am trying to get at? Will a confusion of entropy win the battle? Will the wheel of fortune turn in my favour, or will I fail to connect and communicate effectively?
Let’s give it a spin and see what happens.
First, hold this thought. Bertholt Brecht never wrote “Latest smartphone, yacht in Nice and apartment block in Manhattan, then ethics” what he wrote was “Grub first, then ethics.”
We’ve never had it so good, right? We are living in an always-on, always-available and consumer-centric world of immediacy, simplicity and conformity replete with a surfeit of adult toys, legal drugs and other me-too brain-cell-killing distractions.
We are relatively comfy in our abusive environmental broth, as life moves at an ever-increasing pace, bombarded as we are with a burgeoning plethora of knowledge, information and data, which we occasionally try to ingest, process, remember and even reuse.
In many ways, it’s almost inevitable that we are increasingly superficial, contradictory and imprecise in our readings and interpretations of emotional states, interactions and motivations.
This malaise or sanguinity (depending on our personal perspective) extends to what we now term ‘content’, whether that content is found in a film, a newspaper, a magazine, social media or scrawled on a napkin. Continue reading
Martyn Richard Jones
Dusseldorf, August 2006
Data Warehousing provides possibly one of the best opportunities for IT organizations to deliver a valuable business solution in order to address a set of business needs; requirements that go well beyond the area of day to day operational support, and traditional applications (web enabled or not), and when Data Warehousing is done the right way, and for the right reasons, its payback to all of its stakeholders can be positively significant. Continue reading
If this piece tickles your fancy, then please consider joining The Big Data Contrarians on LinkedIn:
Every year I ask myself the same question. Will there be any tangible, coherent and verifiable Big Data success stories in the coming year? Every year I come up with nothing. Nothing at all. “Sorry, no rooms at the Big Data Success Inn, as we are closed for vacations.”
However, this year things are different. More positive, more alive and more fantastic.
As you can probably guess, I am well excited to be able to reach out and tell you about the twelve amazingly fab Big-Data stories that will appear during the course of 2016. The year of the incredible, startling and awesome Big Data monkey.
To this end, and as this is a magically special occasion, I have made an extra-special effort to deliver the goods, to do full justice to the task, and to go that extra Big Data kilometer for my demanding readership.
So, I gazed into Madame Frufru’s crystal ball, I opened up the kimono with the Ouija spirits of Von Neumann, Babbage and Jobs, and I pushed the envelope in the vast disruptive solution-spaces habited by Ada Augusta, Audrey Tautou and Jennifer Saunders… and, I came back with the best of the best.
I only hope it was all worth the blood, the sweat and the tears.
So, here for your veritable delight and salutary entertainment, I give you the twelve remarkable Big Data success stories of 2016.
Big Data leads to massive government savings – 2016 will be the year in which right-thinking, common sense and pragmatic governments around the world will leverage Big Data to bring about a radical reduction in government expenditure. Unchained from the dogma of professionality, administrations will replace overpaid, over-educated and over-bearing statisticians, with Data Scientists who can produce ‘the required numbers’, a priori, and at a tenth of the cost. If this works well, as no doubt it will, other professions, such as medicine, teaching and the law enforcement agencies, will also be subjected to the Big Data treatment. Why pay a professional Doctor, Teacher or Police Officer their exorbitant fees and salaries, when a Quack Scientist, Chalky Scientist or Plod Scientist can fill their places, and for a fraction of the cost.
Big Data clamps down on gum chewing in Singapore – Radical Polymer masticating criminals are the bane of the upstanding street-walking citizens of Singapore. However, in 2016, this will change. Why? Because Big Data will be used to identify, track-down and apprehend gum-chewing, sidewalk spoiling and anti-social spearmint-breathed offenders. Yes, capital punishment for such offenses may seem harsh, but remember, if Hadoop says it is a heinous crime, especially if it’s backed up by expert social media opinion, then it must be right.
Big Data solves the Climate Change conundrum – Following the amazingly successful climate talks in Paris this year, 2016 will herald in a period of fantastic adjustment in how climate change is seen, measured and addressed. No longer will Climate Change it be seen as a threat or a problem, but as a seriously good opportunity for market capitalism in general, and Big Data in particular. Measurement of temperature changes will no longer be made, but massive Big Data technologies will collect climate change opinions from global social media, and that will be our unique guide to the actual effectiveness of the fight against things ‘getting too hot’. Big
Data will lead the way, and factor 10,000 sun blocker and super-mega walk-in fridge-freezers, will follow.
Big Data helps put Real Madrid back in the top tier – The BBC* might not like it, but Big Data will triumph in sport in 2016, thanks in the main to its innate ability to help Real Madrid win the Champions League, the Spanish League, and the Spanish King’s Cup. Even though the mighty-whites have already been eliminated from the last of these competitions (for fielding a Big Data player who was under a match ban). Okay, so Big Data can’t get it all right, but no one is perfect.
*Bale, Benzema and Cristiano.
Big Data knocks out Data Warehousing – In 2016, Big Data will finally put Data Warehousing to bed. It’s been on the cards for a while now, but in 2016 it will be proven beyond any shadow of doubt that the best input into strategic, tactical and operational decision making are massive concatenations of simple word counts, done on a vast array of what people are now describing as commodity hardware. Commodity hardware, to distinguish it from the other hardware that we were using up until now, which was also confusingly termed ‘commodity hardware’.
LinkedIn publishes its first ever Big Data success story – Incredible, but true. In 2016, LinkedIn will get its resident Big Data guru, data master and influencer to document a tangible, coherent and verifiable Big Data success story. It will matter not a jot that it is a knock-off plagiarism of a late nineteen-ninety Data Warehousing partial success-story, as it’s the thoughts, and not the facts, that count.
Queen Brenda inaugurates the Lady Di Memorial Big Data Lake – During 2016, HRH will inaugurate the former Windermere Lake as the new Lady Di Memorial Big Data Lake. Millions of subjects will hail this as a clear success story for Big Data and for Britain. The inauguration day will be slightly marred (no pun intended) by a gushing Big Data guru being told to beggar ‘orf by none other than Phil the Greek.
Big Data housing becomes an issue of significant importance to the EU – Because of the incredible speeds amazingly valuable Big Data is being created at, the EU will move to take measures to capture and more importantly store all of this new Big Data. There will exist an existential realization that none of this life-giving Big Data should be lost or compromised, or both. Chancellor Merkel has already come out strongly and offered to take much of the generated Big Data in 2016, which will be housed in both public and private premises. For example, each German household will be asked to house volumes of Big Data based on the size of the family abode, the internet bandwidth and the number of smart phones im haus. France and Spain will follow suit, but with modestly reduced quotas. The UK will spend most of 2016 trying to opt out, and will even threaten a Big Data Referendum if the onus on them to take so much Big Data is not radically reduced. So, in net, a win-win for Europe and Big Data.
The CIA will be charged with custodianship of all Big Data success stories – During 2016, together with the custodians of Fort Knox, the CIA will be charged with custodianship of all tangible, coherent and verifiable Big Data success stories, and only those who should know, and can handle the power of information, will have access to the files. This will be done to avoid information of global importance from falling into the hands of evil-doers, delinquents and busy-bodies. This is a success story because it will demonstrate once again a truly tangible, coherent and verifiable Big Data success story. The Head of the FBI was unavailable for comment.
Big Data solves world issues – For years we have struggled to see the elephants in the global room. Now with the help of Big Data, not only will we finally be able to see them, but also we will have a key component of the solution within a click of the mouse and a rapid stroke of a smartphone gesture. Yes, hunger, poverty and the refugee crisis can all be identified in 2016, thanks mainly to Big Data. What’s more, if we get the political will to do so we can also think of ways of partially, or wholly, fixing those problems. Although admittedly that is a ‘big ask’ of Big Data, especially in one enormously hectic year, where the focus of attention will be mainly on the UEFA European Championship, the Olympics and the war on terror. Now if that isn’t a Big Data success story then I really don’t know what is.
Big Data success stories to top a million by the end of 2016 – Thanks to a global and socially responsible market-driven initiative to reclassify Microsoft Access and Microsoft Excel as Big Data repositories, the number of Big Data success stories for 2016 will amazingly exceed a million, and that’s just in Milton Keynes.
Democratic Elections replaced by Mega-Democratic Big Data Social Media Mining – Sick and tired of having to turn out to vote every four years? Tense, nervous pre-election headaches over not being able to think, weigh or decide? Worry no more. Thanks to advanced social-media mining techniques, from 2016 the election of politicians will be decided not by you – least not in the legacy way – but by a broad interconnected raft of machine learning, sentiment analysis and other data science gizmos – guaranteed 100% democratic. This is what we have all been waiting for. The end of old fashioned and boringly DIY-democratic elections, and the heralding of a brave new world of online interactive social-media politics. Don’t look at it as the trivialization of democracy, the puerility of post-modernity and the throwing away of centuries of fights for civil and human rights, look upon it as being real progress – progress with a capital pee.
On the other hand, what 2016 might really herald might just be The Golden Age of Big Data Bullshit.
Let’s wait and see.
Thank you so much for reading.
Also, if you are of a mind, then please join The Big Data Contrarians on LinkedIn:
First things first. The Big Data Contrarians (“a hype free Agora for Big Data dialogue”) is now a community of over one thousand professionals.
Since its LinkedIn group registration on the 1st of July 2015, the Big Data Contrarians has grown to become, without a shadow of doubt, the nicest, friendliest and most well informed Big Data group that you will ever come across in your entire life.
The Big Data Contrarians is a community of professionals who enjoy talking about data, statistics, analytics, data-centric applications, ideas, opinions and insights.
The Big Data Contrarians is a great place to contrast ideas about data. It is a group that passively encourages discourse. Especially discourse that comes with a touch of humour, a hint of disbelief and a delightful bouquet of subtle cynicism.
Also, no data, analytics or visualisation related subject, for as tenuous as the relationship might be, is out of bounds. This is a forum by professional adults for professional adults, with all its attendant facets and all that this implies. Indeed, who knows what the next topic of conversation will be on The Big Data Contrarians forum. But here’s some ideas:
After four weeks of the group’s existence, I wrote a piece for Data Science Central (July 23rd, 2015), in which I itemised some of the reasons why I believed that The Big Data Contrarians groups was necessary. Those reasons were:
I genuinely believe that those reasons are as valid now as they were then. Perhaps even more so.
So, to get back to basics, I will leave you where I started.
The Big Data Contrarians. Is quite simply the best Big Data community on the whole wild-wild-wild internet, anywhere? Yes, anywhere. The Big Data Contrarians is an amazingly great data community that promotes inclusivity, interaction and coherence in data, statistics, analytics and Big Data discourse.
Anyone who is anyone in Big Data and data is a member of THE BIG DATA CONTRARIANS, either now or in the near future.
So, don´t be left behind. Join today. Be the Big Data smarty amongst your Big Data party.
Many thanks for reading.
Join The Big Data Contrarians: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/8338976