In the beginning was the Big Iron, the Big Data, and the Big Data Plan.
And then came the Big Data Assumptions.
And the Big Data Assumptions were without form.
And the Big Data Plan was without substance.
And the Big Iron was without movement.
And the Big Data was without velocity, variety and volume.
And darkness was upon the face of the data workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying: “Big Data, is a crock of shit, and it stinketh mucho”.
And the data workers went unto their Data Supervisors and said: “This here Big Data is a pile of putrid crappy keech”, for they were from Govan, and continued, “and none may abide the odour thereof”.
And the Data Supervisors went unto their Information Managers, saying: “Big Data is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.”
And the Information Managers went unto their Business Directors, saying: “This here Big Data doodoo is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
And the Business Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another: “Big Data contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very powerful.”
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him: “This new Big Data will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company, with powerful effects.”
And the President looked upon the Big Iron, the Big Data and the Big Data Plan, and saw that they were good.
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