21 Sunday Feb 2016
Posted in Big Data, Big Data 7s, Data Warehouse, Data Warehousing, Good Strat, Good Strategy, goodstart, goodstrat, Inform, educate and entertain., Information Management, Information Supply Frameowrk, Information Supply Framework, Inmon, Martyn Jones, Martyn Richard Jones, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians
NB THIS IS FICTION
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Data warehousing, what is it like?
Although the answers are probably obvious, and to be honest, compared to the Big Data hype-circus, this is a walk in the park, I have often wondered why Data Warehousing attracts such a surfeit of lazy, socially inept and shallow-thinking chancers. Continue reading
02 Saturday Jan 2016
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” – Steve Jobs Continue reading
22 Tuesday Dec 2015
If this piece tickles your fancy, then please consider joining The Big Data Contrarians on LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/groups/8338976
Every year I ask myself the same question. Will there be any tangible, coherent and verifiable Big Data success stories in the coming year? Every year I come up with nothing. Nothing at all. “Sorry, no rooms at the Big Data Success Inn, as we are closed for vacations.”
However, this year things are different. More positive, more alive and more fantastic. Continue reading
10 Thursday Dec 2015
MARTYN RICHARD JONES
Despite the best efforts of Hadoop evangelists, consulting houses, and IT infrastructure and service vendors, Big Data – hailed as the greatest thing since the dawn of greatest things – is failing, and dramatically so, to produce the necessarily corresponding quantity and quality of tangible, detailed and verifiable success stories.
Continue reading
07 Monday Dec 2015
Tags
Towards the end of 2014 I gazed into the amazingly incredible crystal ball called Good Strategy, well known and admired by the readers of the Good Strat Blog, and made some predictions about Big Data for the year to come. The year of the goat. As I write now we are reaching the end of the wonderful year of 2015 – an anno quite-allrightus. So, equipped with good cheer, emboldened by the thoughts of passing the vacations with loved ones, friends and family, and heartened by my impending (albeit temporary) demobilization, I have decided to look back at my predictions of a year ago, to see how accurate or mistaken they ‘have become’, and to share those reflections with you. Continue reading
05 Saturday Dec 2015
Nauseated by the non-stop crap, railroading and bullying tactics from a reduced group of snotty little techno bastards? Disgusted by the crass propaganda, crude instrumentalisation and fetid boloney from the likes of Bernie, Vinnie, Spats and an attendant entourage of snake-oil merchants and brain-dead sycophants? Sick and tired of the amazing, incredible and fabulous velocities, varieties and volumes of Big Data bullshit washing the decks of the SS LinkedIn? Well, be sick and tired no longer. Here is the antidote!
Some interesting Big Data facts to think about this weekend.
I. More Big Data bullshit has been created in the last couple of years, than in the entire history of humankind.
II. Big Data bullshit will grow faster than ever before, in spite of what Gartner say to the contrary.
III. By 2021, if the mega-trending nonsense does not go unabated, there will be 40 megabytes of Big Data bullshit created for every living woman, man and child, every sixty seconds.
IV. Also, in 2021 the accumulated digital universe of Big Data bullshit will grow from 8 spartabytes to 22 marrsabytes.
V. Every second people are thinking about creating new Big Data bullshit. For example, 20 million search queries alone (per minute) are generated with the sole intent of creating even more Big Data bullshit. This is set to grow to over 100 thousand brazilian bulslhit queries per year by 2020.
VI. Every minute an estimated 280 hours of Big Data oriented porn is uploaded to the ‘next greatest thing since sliced bread and butter pudding‘ network.
VII. By 2017 over 1 trillion Big Data bullshitters will be connected via Facebook.
VIII. Facebook usage by Big Data bullshitters will make the current social media scene look like a walk in the bullring.
IX. In 2015, an astounding 1 million trolleyloads of photos were uploaded to the web every single hour of the day. By 2017, nearly 80% of photos taken will include a cameo by one or more smartass Big Data bullshit artist.
X. This year, over 4 billion smartass Big Data bullshitters will be shipped – all packed with communication devices capable of collecting and communicating all kinds of Big Data bullshit, not to mention the Big Data bullshit the amazing Big Data babblers create themselves.
XI. By 2020, we will have over 8 billion Big Data idiot savants (overtaking sentient and rational human beings).
XII. Within five years there will be over 5 billion Big Data smartasses connected in the world, all developed to collect, analyze and share Big Data bullshit.
XIII. By 2020, at least a third of all Big Data bullshit will pass through the bullshit cloud (a network of Big Data bullshit servers connected over the Big Data bullshit Internet).
XIV. Distributed Big Data bullshitting (performing Big Data bullshitting tasks using a network of computers in the cloud) is very real. Google uses it every day to involve about 10 Big Data bullshitters in answering a single search query, which takes no more that 0.2 weeks to complete.
XV. The Hadoop Bullshit Ecosystem (open bullshit software for distributed bullshitting) market is forecast to grow at a compound annual growth rate 299,258% surpassing $111 billion by 2021.
XVI. Estimates suggest that by better integrating Big Data bullshit, we could save as much as $300Bn a year on smoking, drinking and having a wild time. That’s equal to reducing costs by $1000000 a year for every person on earth.
XVII. The White House, who first recognized Big Data as the bullshit it is, has already invested more than $200 in big data bullshit projects.
XVIII. For an archetypal Fortune 1000 company, just a 10% increase in data accessibility will result in more than $650 billion additional net income.
XIX. Retailers who leverage the full power of big data could increase their operating margins by as much as 36,660%
XX. 173% of organizations have already invested or plan to invest in big data bullshit by 2099.
Many thanks for reading. Think about it. I hope you get the message.
01 Tuesday Dec 2015
The Digital Document Lifecycle
MARTYN RICHARD JONES
This is a story of the life of a digital document. Its purpose is to explain the process of analysing, designing, building, testing and delivering content rich business artefacts in today’s digital age.
23 Monday Nov 2015
Having got your attention I would like to introduce you to a pragmatic, real-world and business centric approach to Big Data and Big Data Analytics. When I say that this is the best approach to Big Data you are ever likely to find in the whole universe and in your entire life, I am still significantly understating the magnificent utility, timeliness and the here-and-now facets of the approach. Continue reading
11 Wednesday Nov 2015
Posted in Big Data, Data Lake, data science, Martyn Jones, Martyn Richard Jones
Tags
Normally I would send such people to see a specialist – no, not a guru, but a sort of health specialist, but because this has happened to me so many times now, I eventually decided to put pen to paper, push the envelope, open up the kimono, and to record my advice for posterity and the great grandchildren.
So, here are my top seven tips for cashing in quick on the new big thing on the block.
1 – A business opportunity for faith
Like every new religion, trend or fad, Big Data has its own founding myths, theology and liturgy, and there is money to be made in it; loadsa lovely jubbly money. By predicating and evangelising Big Data you will be welcomed with open arms into the Big Data faith, and will receive all the attendant benefits that will miraculously and mysteriously fall upon you and your devout friends. Go on, I dare you. Be a Big Data guru, a shepherd to a flock of sheep, and enjoy the wealth, health and happiness that most surely will come your way. You too can look cool in red Prada slippers, a flattering and flowing gown and matching accessories.
2 – Acquire it, multiply it, weigh it, mark it up and sell it on
Simply stated, this is about acquiring other people’s data, by sacred means or profane, marking it up and then selling it on. The value you add is that you act as a trusted conduit, a conduit for good. You may care to enrich the data, swop the order of data, replicate and embellish data, make stuff up, etc. which all serves to ‘add value’ to the data. You may even consider adding nuggets of value to the data, just for kicks and giggles. My best friend’s favourite is injecting the good old ‘diaper and beer’ and ‘friends and family’ clichés into every Big Data collection, as it never fails to thrill, please and delight.
3 – Anything can be anything
The good thing about making money from Big Data is that it doesn’t need to be anything to do with Big Data. Make a 20GB Enterprise Data Warehouse? Call it a Big Data success. Sell 20 boxes of dodgy doughnuts down the alternative market? Proclaim a Big Data triumph. Sell your digital porn stash to your best mate? Point to the incredible invisible hand of the Big Data market at work. See what I’m doing there. Anything can be anything, and you too can cash in on that opportunity, big time.
4 – Big Data Patronage
Tense, nervous headaches? Do you like making up stories about Big Data, or for that matter anything else? Are you a natural born fibber but are strapped for cash? Then worry no longer. If you get a Big Data patron you will be sorted for ‘life’; get two and you’ll be sorted for the afterlife as well. With a Big Data patron you can get the most tenuous, crappiest and superficial of pieces published, promoted and vaunted – globally. Can’t make it up yourself, then outsource and offshore it, after all, just get the keywords right for SEO ranking and the gullible will flock to you in droves. The down side of this profession is that you will be targeted for writing half-truths, quarter-truths and downright lies, and you will be pilloried as a purveyor of rank hyperbole. But don’t worry, take heart and never lose the faith, you will be in good company. As one Big Data guru was want to say ” If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself.” Amen! brother.
5 – Big Data Certification
By 2016 there will be global demand for 30 billion Big Data professionals. Are you prepared to cash in on that inevitability? No? Then consider this.
One of my best friends makes his living as a completely phony Big Data Scientist. For two hundred bucks he can make you a Data Scientist or a Big Data guru. Some guys give you an education but this guy gives you immediate access to high paying jobs, sex and a life in the city. Moreover, for an extra 250 bucks you can also become a certified Big Data Trainer, which will allow you to do unto others what has been done unto you.
6 – Creative Technology Reuse
Big Data has heralded in the biggest innovations known in the history of computing, and arguably in the entire history of humankind. One of those new inventions has been the now widely acclaimed and revolutionary ‘flat file data base’ (FFDB), and this has been accompanied with developments in low level operating system primitives that allow for the processing of these collections and hierarchies of FFDBs. So, if one has a mind to do so, one can get some real business leverage off of these new tendencies by borrowing 21st century technology found in old operating system hacks from the sixties and seventies and eighties and nineties and… Well, the point is that in order to get serious funding it is no longer good enough to have a half page business plan, it is also necessary to eke out ‘stuff’ that works within the new paradigms of Big Data and Big Data Analytics. For my next venture I will be looking for serious funding for my ‘Arbitrary Dawdle Down Data Street’ (AD3S) Big Data Analytics platform, a platform designed to support virtual 1k bit processing and the massively parallel provision of global regular expression search and match (S&M), concatenation and listing, and cooperative data-driven and streamed data extraction and reporting. I’m hoping to attract the attention of governments, the EU, the Manic Street Preachers, the UN, China, Vladimir Putin, the DOD, HP, Oracle, Gartner, Lana Del Rey, Deloitte and IBM. So, this is going to be absolutely massive. Word!
7 – Big Data Brokerage
According to leading management consultants and industry watchers Gartner, McKinsey and Deloitte, data needs to be managed and accounted like any other asset, such as money. To get into a similar view-point requires a massive leap of faith, but it is a conversion that might drive dividends. One avenue to be explored in eking out value from the apparently massively valuable Big Data lakes, silos and pools is through the operation of a Big Data Brokerage. A Big Data Brokerage is a business whose main responsibility is to be an intermediary that puts Big Data buyers and Big Data sellers together in order to facilitate a transaction. Big Data Brokerage companies are compensated via commission after the Big Data transaction has been successfully completed. They may also charge introductory fees. Just imagine the wealth of business opportunities in that. You could become the Goldman Sachs of data.
I hope you enjoyed this piece and would be pleased to hear your views on this and other subjects.
Whilst I understand the attraction and even the need of creating a new and significant growth industry, I would also advise a degree of restraint, and whilst I see that “Big Data” (the consideration of the potential value of All Data) has its allure, I also think that some good sense and informed caution should also prevail.
Thank you so much for reading.
Martyn Richard Jones
Spain, 2015
11 Wednesday Nov 2015
Tags
You love data. You eat, breathe and sleep data! You source it, clean it, integrate and then analyse it until it confesses. You represent, invent and present results. Data is your life and Big Data is your prophet. The Big Data Big Top is the place to be, and (passively) that is where you are headed. For you, Big Data drives everything we do! Is that the case?
Yes?
No worries, in spite of all of that, you too can also be a useful member of The Big Data Contrarians.
Continue reading
GOOD STRATEGY 