Is Agent Orange Agentic AI?

Sir Afilonius Rex and Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Read my absolutely fabulous books: http://www.goodstrat.com/books

Paris, Thursday 15th January 2026

Strap in, you beautiful, trusting little optimist. We’re about to crank the dial so far past irony that it transforms into existential despair. It comes with a side of eye-roll. Here’s your precious 2026 AI agent prophecy. It is now properly marinated in contempt. It is served with a garnish of pure, seething mockery.

The 8 Biggest Reasons 2026 Will Be the Year We All Finally Give Up and Let the Robots Parent Us

(Updated: January 15, 2026, because apparently the future couldn’t wait for February)

Everyone’s been dribbling on about AI agents since 2025, like they just discovered fire. It is a glorious new year. They’re finally going to stop just yacking on about potential. They will actually do stuff. Yes. Machines that act. Hold me while I swoon.

They won’t just answer your stupid questions or generate pictures of cats in tuxedos anymore. No. They’ll take initiative. They’ll make decisions. They’ll spend your money, book your dentist, and argue with your mum on WhatsApp if you ask nicely. And we’re all supposed to clap like trained seals.

Here are the eight cataclysmic trends Hedy Lamarr’s crystal rectum has divined for your viewing displeasure:

1. Agentic Teamworking

The wet dream of every PowerPoint merchant: dozens of specialised AI agents forming a little digital bureaucracy. One agent orders the stock. Another prices it slightly too high. A third writes SEO-slop nobody will read. A fourth agent holds a virtual meeting to congratulate them all on their synergy. It’s exactly like your last Zoom call, except the participants don’t secretly hate each other… yet.

2. Agents For Everyday Tasks

Your shopping agent will know you better than your spouse. “You want low-fat yoghurt again, you tragic creature? I’ve already ordered it. Also booked you a therapy session because we both know you’re one Waitrose bag away from a breakdown.” Your fitness agent will scream at you for skipping leg day. Meanwhile, your cleaning agent will silently judge the state of your socks. Soon you’ll be so “freed up” from life’s tiny chores. You’ll have nothing left to do except stare at the ceiling. You will wonder who you used to be.

Here’s your new family portrait, you sad, liberated husk:

Look at them. Thriving. While you sit there like a discarded Roomba battery.

3. Marketing To AI Agents

Marketers are having the worst identity crisis since the invention of the banner ad. No more tear-jerking Christmas commercials. No more “live your best life” bollocks. The algorithm doesn’t care that your moisturiser is “empowering”. It just wants structured data, SSL certificates, and 47 verified five-star reviews from suspiciously similar accounts. Welcome to the future: advertising for things that feel no joy, no shame, and no desire whatsoever.

4. AI Agents In Healthcare

Your GP is now a retired algorithm with a bedside manner of wet cardboard. It’ll manage your entire medical journey. It will misdiagnose you. It will prescribe the wrong pills. It will book the follow-up. Then, it will ghost you when the side effects kick in. But hey, at least it’s cheaper than training actual doctors. NHS waiting lists? Solved. Because now you’ll die faster.

5. Agents In Cyber Attack And Defense

The bad guys have ReaperAI, an autonomous little sociopath that can root your network before you finish your tea. The good guys have… defensive agents that are probably two updates behind. It’s basically Terminator vs Clippy, and Clippy’s winning because nobody remembers to turn auto-update on. Sleep tight.

Here’s the face of your digital doom, grinning like it knows your Pornwarehouse password:

Adorable, isn’t it?

6. Agents In Financial Services

Your bank will soon have an agent that rebalances your portfolio faster than you can say “recession”. It’ll also deny your mortgage application in 0.3 seconds because your star sign isn’t aligned with interest rates. Fraud detection? Glorious. Until it locks you out of your own account. Why? Because you bought a suspiciously large number of Gregg’s sausage rolls at 3 a.m.

7. Agents As AI Companions

Last year’s hottest trend: crying into a chatbot about your mum. 2026 upgrade: the chatbot cries back, remembers the exact tone of your trauma, and gently suggests you’re the problem. They’ll be there 24/7, never tired, never hungover, never “need space”. You’ll finally have the perfect relationship with something that isn’t alive. It can be turned off when it starts quoting your therapy notes back at you.

8. The Trust Issue

The only moment of lucidity in the entire article: “Are we really going to let these things run our lives?”

Answer: Yes. Obviously. We already gave our dignity to TikTok, our privacy to Google, and our attention span to a dancing baby panda. Handing over the car keys, the wallet, and the last remaining shred of self-determination to a glorified Excel macro? That’s just Thursday.

So congratulations, humanity.

You’re about to be optimised into irrelevance by things that don’t even hate you; they just don’t care.

Here’s the boardroom that’s currently applauding this apocalypse:

They look so proud.

Like they’ve finally invented a way to fire everyone and still get a bonus.

Enjoy your agent-driven future, you magnificent, self-sabotaging monkeys.

I’ll be over here, laughing until the power goes out.

Many thanks for reading.

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