The data warehouse is the repository for the post-transactional data
Martyn Richard Jones
Saintes, 20th March 2023
Narrator: As much as I love the work of some celebrated buffoons, fools and jesters with imagination, there are some areas that they should not be allowed to invade without adequate supervision being in place.
Dud: Pete,why do people talk such complete and utter unsubstantiated poll tax?
Narrator: Let us start with a softball question, the kind even your granny could knock out of the park.
How does business describe the value it gets from being able to access and analyse fresh quality data in order to decide what is strategically, tactically and operationally preferable in the future of the business?
A few days ago, I published a blog piece that contained the following paragraphs:
I am quite a fan of many aspects that sit under the Data Mesh umbrella. However, when it comes to a proper fact-based understanding and analysis of the history, place and architecture (business, data and technical) of Data Warehousing the leading exponents of data mesh have it woefully wrong.
Therefore, the purpose of this blog article is to set the record straight.
However, it seems to be that denial and specious arguments, are the preferred weapons of choice, over simply and honestly engaging in a professional discourse about these concerns.
I am quite a fan of many aspects that sit under the Data Mesh umbrella. However, when it comes to a proper fact-based understanding and analysis of the history, place and architecture (business, data and technical) of Data Warehousing, the leading exponents of data mesh have it woefully wrong.
Therefore, the purpose of this blog article is to set the record straight.
The data warehouse as a place to copy OLTP exhaust data to?
The purpose of language is to communicate—usually the conveyance of meaning from one entity to another. The value of communication is based on the availability of timely, appropriate and adequate information. In this way, it is positive. But communication can also be used to manipulate, deceive and confuse.
Many people come up to me in the street and ask me what big-data is all about. It has happened to me so many times in the past that I am convinced that it might just happen to you as well. I know sort of thing, I read the big-data tea leaves. Nothing gets past me.
Why I called bullshit on the data lakehouse nonsense
I wrote an article that took to task purveyors of the data lakehouse nonsense. It got plenty of positive reactions and quite a few negative opinions. But what surprised me the most were the number of people who had already swallowed their pitch. Hook, line and sinker.
So why did I bother to express my opinions on the subject?
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When I was a kid, that’s all we had was Robitussin. Whatever you got, Robitussin better handle it. I broke my leg once; daddy poured Robitussin all over it.
Chris Rock
What does big-data have to do with Robitussin? Let me explain.
To paraphrase the advertising legend Bob Hoffman: ‘Just when you thought that if evangelists for Agile were to generate one more ounce of bullshit, the entire fucking solar system would explode, what do they do? Exceed expectations.’
And how do they do that? Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll let you into a little secret about this Agile@Scale stuff, including a brief tour of some of the miscellaneous, spiced-up and vainglorious crap-on-the-side that accompanies it.
Here, for the first time in the history of data, we have a clear vision for the future of data in business. This vision takes the form of three pillars of data wisdom:
I wrote a polemic piece on the concept of a Data Lakehouse, to promote my new Amazon ebook, Laughing@BigData. And although it was well received, I have reflected and taken the time to revisit my position and to flesh out and contrast my positive and negative views.
There has never been more interest in extreme equations and fabulous formulas than there is today.
We are on the cusp of an extraordinary revolution in every-day analysis of data, items and things. And leading the charge is the mighty double-headed megatrend-busting digital-hydra of data calculations and information recipes.
Please consider sharing these links and a recommendation with friends, connections, groups, colleagues, partners, peers, family and bosses.
Oiling the wheels-of-industry during COVID-19.
Thanks a million! Stay safe and keep well!
Martyn
Move over big data hubris and data lake stupidity there’s a newer, thicker and far bigger arsehole on the block. And it goes by the unbelievably idiotic name of data lakehouse. It is being hailed as a new paradigm but is, in reality, a naive, dishonest and disruptive fraud. So what’s occurring?
The gutter-snipes, hustlers and useless pundits who failed to make big data and data lakes the success of the 2010s have set their vulture-eyed sights on data warehousing. It’s not smart, it is not funny, and it does no one any service.
Prediction is very difficult, especially if it’s about the future.
Nils Bohr
Can we predict the future of humankind in the same way that we forecast the weather?
In an article published in The Guardian, the journalist Laura Spinney discusses how historical data could be used, not only to predict the future of humankind but to save it as well. The piece titled “History as a giant data set: how analysing the past could help save the future” discussed how a small group of academics had come up with the notion that the analysis of historical big-data could be used in useful ways for the common good. At least that was my initial takeaway.
Today I want to talk with you about energising
the Agile Way of Working brand.
Sadly, the Agile Way of Working movement
seems to be temporarily on the wane. The adoption rate of AWOW has not risen in
line with expectations. It’s stuck in the doldrums between Scylla and Charybdis.
Which makes for frowns all around.
But, me being me, I didn’t leave it at
that. That’s a challenge, right there! Let’s go for it! Let’s turn those frowns
upside-down
As result, I searched for a way to help the
Agile@Scale crowd out, and I eventually came up with ten amazing pieces of incredible
advice on how to easily make ‘Agile Way of Working’ truly something worth
having around.
So, here we have it:
First, change its name from the Agile Way of Working to the Agile Way of Whacking Off (Agile WOWO), you know, a touchy-feely way to “sex up” requirements. Bush and Blair style.
Epics will be referred to as Dodgy Dossiers, User Stories will become Curated Jokes and Sprints will become Streaks.
People working on Streaks will be known as Streakers, chapter members will be known as Schleppers and guild members will be known as Schmucks, everyone else will be referred to as Bernie or Helen.
Every morning Dodgy Dossier Owners must repeat the term “Agile Operating Model” until they puke their guts out.
All Scrum and Kanban boards are be replaced with life-sized wack-a-mole models.
Only those kitted out as My Little Pony or Princess Line can use coloured post-it notes.
Anyone caught using the names Google, Spotify, Netflix or Zappos.com will be denied the oxygen of publicity.
Anyone evidenced repeating the terms “by design”, “learning journey” and “minimum viable product” will be denied the oxygen of oxygen.
Anyone caught using comic images of rockets, astronauts or planets (including the sun) anywhere in their “content” will be forever referred to as a feckin space-cadet.
If you can’t defecate rainbows on demand then you have no right being involved in Agile at Scale or the Agile Way of Whacking Off.
There you have it. Ten jolly and sensible
policies for a happy world of Agile at Scale and Agile WOWO.
Many thanks for reading,
This is Martyn Jones of goodstrat.com – THE
GOOD STRATEGY COMPANY
Until next time.
Contact me at martyn dot jones at goodstrat
dot com
The Big Data bullshit well was always going
to run dry. They didn’t believe me.
Now it’s very clear.
They were wrong. I was right. I told them
so.
Gloat? Me? Why, hell yeah!
I am laughing at the shameless and
opportunistic fools, charlatans and chancers of Big Data and the Hadoop ecosphere,
because it’s the very least they deserve.
