To paraphrase the advertising legend Bob Hoffman: ‘Just when you thought that if evangelists for Agile were to generate one more ounce of bullshit, the entire fucking solar system would explode, what do they do? Exceed expectations.’
And how do they do that? Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll let you into a little secret about this Agile@Scale stuff, including a brief tour of some of the miscellaneous, spiced-up and vainglorious crap-on-the-side that accompanies it.
Here, for the first time in the history of data, we have a clear vision for the future of data in business. This vision takes the form of three pillars of data wisdom:
In fact, men will fight for a superstition quite as quickly as for a living truth – often more so, since a superstition is so intangible you cannot get at it to refute it, but truth is a point of view, and so is changeable.
LAUGHING@BIGDATA – THE GREATEST DATA STORY EVER TOLD!
My new ebook about Agile, AI, data, deep learning, IT and much more.
Highly polemic, contrarian and insightful. It informs, educates and entertains. It incites thought, reflection and reassessment. It’s delightfully seductive, easy to read and hard to put down. And there’s a lot of it. So, you won’t be left indifferent.
I wrote a polemic piece on the concept of a Data Lakehouse, to promote my new Amazon ebook, Laughing@BigData. And although it was well received, I have reflected and taken the time to revisit my position and to flesh out and contrast my positive and negative views.
For greater convenience, my new book Laughing@BigData: Talking about data, process and behaviour in the IT business – Ebook / Kindle Edition is now available at the following Amazon locations:
So, here we are again… .I’m in lockdown, and I need to ply my trade the best I can. Thank you for your taking a look, and if you can, buy my book.
I have just published my first book on IT and data on Amazon.
It’s highly polemic, contrarian and insightful. And there’s a lot of it.
For only $9.99 (8 GBP or 9 EUR – local currency exchange might fluctuate), buy this absolutely fabulous, hilariously funny and factually accurate book on big data and AI before the bit hoarders take it all… it’s for all the IT family. Upstairs and downstairs.
There has never been more interest in extreme equations and fabulous formulas than there is today.
We are on the cusp of an extraordinary revolution in every-day analysis of data, items and things. And leading the charge is the mighty double-headed megatrend-busting digital-hydra of data calculations and information recipes.
Please consider sharing these links and a recommendation with friends, connections, groups, colleagues, partners, peers, family and bosses.
Oiling the wheels-of-industry during COVID-19.
Thanks a million! Stay safe and keep well!
Martyn
Move over big data hubris and data lake stupidity there’s a newer, thicker and far bigger arsehole on the block. And it goes by the unbelievably idiotic name of data lakehouse. It is being hailed as a new paradigm but is, in reality, a naive, dishonest and disruptive fraud. So what’s occurring?
The gutter-snipes, hustlers and useless pundits who failed to make big data and data lakes the success of the 2010s have set their vulture-eyed sights on data warehousing. It’s not smart, it is not funny, and it does no one any service.
Prediction is very difficult, especially if it’s about the future.
Nils Bohr
Can we predict the future of humankind in the same way that we forecast the weather?
In an article published in The Guardian, the journalist Laura Spinney discusses how historical data could be used, not only to predict the future of humankind but to save it as well. The piece titled “History as a giant data set: how analysing the past could help save the future” discussed how a small group of academics had come up with the notion that the analysis of historical big-data could be used in useful ways for the common good. At least that was my initial takeaway.
Coffee and cakes for breakfast On the Way of Saint James
Martyn
Richard Jones
Brussels, 10th July 2019
As George Burns put it “the key to
success is sincerity” and “if you can fake that you’ve got it made.”
He was right, and you don’t need to go any
further than the bizarre world of information technology, with its plethora of
professional bulllshit artists, to work this one out.
The Uruguayan writer Mario Orlando Hamlet Hardy Brenno Benedetti Farugia, better known as Mario Benedetti, is no longer with us. Born in the small town of Paso de los Toros in the department of Tacuarembó, on the 14th of September 1920, he died in his home in the city of Montevideo, this last Sunday (17/5/2009), at the age of 88.
Oh dear, whatever happened here? After years of over-borrowing and under-saving, the plentiful supply of cheap and easy money, the enthusiastic recklessness of a number of financial managers, and the complaisance of governments, the inevitable happened, and panic ensued.
In 2016 the UK held what was called the United Kingdom European Union membership referendum the objective of which was to gauge public sentiment about the UK leaving or remaining in the EU.
It was a non-binding consultation, which
means that regardless of outcome, it can be legitimately ignored by MPs.
The generally accepted nonsense about the referendum being legally or constitutionally binding was just that, nonsense.
Today I want to talk with you about energising
the Agile Way of Working brand.
Sadly, the Agile Way of Working movement
seems to be temporarily on the wane. The adoption rate of AWOW has not risen in
line with expectations. It’s stuck in the doldrums between Scylla and Charybdis.
Which makes for frowns all around.
But, me being me, I didn’t leave it at
that. That’s a challenge, right there! Let’s go for it! Let’s turn those frowns
upside-down
As result, I searched for a way to help the
Agile@Scale crowd out, and I eventually came up with ten amazing pieces of incredible
advice on how to easily make ‘Agile Way of Working’ truly something worth
having around.
So, here we have it:
First, change its name from the Agile Way of Working to the Agile Way of Whacking Off (Agile WOWO), you know, a touchy-feely way to “sex up” requirements. Bush and Blair style.
Epics will be referred to as Dodgy Dossiers, User Stories will become Curated Jokes and Sprints will become Streaks.
People working on Streaks will be known as Streakers, chapter members will be known as Schleppers and guild members will be known as Schmucks, everyone else will be referred to as Bernie or Helen.
Every morning Dodgy Dossier Owners must repeat the term “Agile Operating Model” until they puke their guts out.
All Scrum and Kanban boards are be replaced with life-sized wack-a-mole models.
Only those kitted out as My Little Pony or Princess Line can use coloured post-it notes.
Anyone caught using the names Google, Spotify, Netflix or Zappos.com will be denied the oxygen of publicity.
Anyone evidenced repeating the terms “by design”, “learning journey” and “minimum viable product” will be denied the oxygen of oxygen.
Anyone caught using comic images of rockets, astronauts or planets (including the sun) anywhere in their “content” will be forever referred to as a feckin space-cadet.
If you can’t defecate rainbows on demand then you have no right being involved in Agile at Scale or the Agile Way of Whacking Off.
There you have it. Ten jolly and sensible
policies for a happy world of Agile at Scale and Agile WOWO.
Many thanks for reading,
This is Martyn Jones of goodstrat.com – THE
GOOD STRATEGY COMPANY
Until next time.
Contact me at martyn dot jones at goodstrat
dot com
The Big Data bullshit well was always going
to run dry. They didn’t believe me.
Now it’s very clear.
They were wrong. I was right. I told them
so.
Gloat? Me? Why, hell yeah!
I am laughing at the shameless and
opportunistic fools, charlatans and chancers of Big Data and the Hadoop ecosphere,
because it’s the very least they deserve.
This is the first in a series of management talking points. The name Leadership 7s has been influenced by the great game of rugby, which is was the emblematic game of my youth and a passion of the home country of my Mom and Dad, Wales.
In fact, much of what I learned about
leadership in my formative years came from fundamentally social influences such
as rugby union.
So, today I want to address seven talking
points that deal with aspects of leadership, coaching and management.
