Tag Archives: LinkedIn Culture

HOW NOT TO: The Vacuum of Thought: Why AI-Powered Orbital Synergy is the Ultimate Catalyst for Your Synergy’s Synergy

09 Saturday May 2026

Posted by in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Saturday 9th May 2026

Multi-faced figure with TV heads and clocks controlling puppet-like people amid flames and flags
Surreal depiction of a multi-faced figure controlling society with media and propaganda

The Vacuum of Thought: Why AI-Powered Orbital Synergy is the Ultimate Catalyst for Your Synergy’s Synergy

By Brandish Blather World-renowned Futurist, LinkedIn Legend, and Thought-Haver with a Passion for Synergising Technology for the Good of My Personal Brand.

The first time you experience the sheer, weightless emptiness of a venture capital pitch, everything changes. One moment, you’re grounded by the heavy, suffocating “hyper-G” of reality, things like “revenue,” “logic,” and “the laws of physics.” The next, all that noise disappears. You are floating in a perfect, silent void of pure, unadulterated hype.

That sense of transition isn’t just what happens when you’re strapped into a billionaire’s phallic hobby-rocket; it reflects a “Quantum Leap” in the Space-AI-Human-Potential-Sandwich™ economy. I recently sat down with Major Tad Mumbleton, a man who spent 400 days in orbit and now serves as the Chief Vibe Officer for Void-X, a company currently building inflatable habitats and AI-powered space-toasters that will absolutely, definitely reshape the way you eat sourdough on Earth.

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HOW NOT TO: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy

06 Wednesday May 2026

Posted by in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

Title: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy (Or: How to Successfully Set Your Building on Fire While Smiling for a Headshot)

By Barnaby Sludge (Disruption Architect, Thought-Gland Inflator, and Professional Vapor-Salesman)

THE LIVERPOOL SCREAM (In the style of ‘The Fat Scouser’)

Listen to me, you tight-suited, Peloton-humping, organic-kale-smoothie-shitting sacks of corporate offal! I was walking past a boardroom the other day, a room so full of expensive air and low-level sociopathy it’s technically classified as a vacuum, and I saw a CEO. A man whose only contribution to the human race is deciding which shade of “Grey Despair” to paint the staff toilets.

And what was he doing? He was crying! He was weeping hot, salty tears into his gold-plated iPad because he didn’t have a VoidLogic strategy!

He’s terrified! He’s heard the buzzwords! “Generative Rectification!” “Algorithmic Synergy!” He doesn’t know what they mean, but he knows if he doesn’t buy them, the other boys at the Yacht Club will laugh at his small, non-AI-integrated genitals! It’s a con, you clowns! It’s the digital equivalent of selling a magic bean to a man who’s already sold his house to buy a specialised bean-holding glove! It’s Barnaby Sludge, standing there in a suit made of woven press releases, shouting, “Give me your money, or the computer will come to your house and eat your pension!”

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CONSIDER THIS: Decoding the Vibe Coders: The Illusion of Tech Knowledge

05 Tuesday May 2026

Posted by in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Tuesday 5th May 2026

(The scene opens on a dimly lit stage. ALFIE SWEARY stomps out, wearing a suit two sizes too small, sweating profusely. He is shouting.)

ALFIE SWEARY: ALRIGHT! SETTLE DOWN, YOU BUNCH OF SYCOPHANTIC MIDDLE-MANAGEMENT YOGURT-KNITTERS!

I’ve just been reading LinkedIn. Or as I call it, “The Digital Dementors’ Circle Jerk.” And I came across a post by a man called Barnaby Muck. A “Business Futurist.” What a job that is, eh? “Business Futurist.” It’s what you tell the police you are when they find you lurking outside a Dixon’s at 3 AM with a soldering iron and a look of existential dread!

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CONSIDER THIS: The Prompt-Engineered: Prophet: Banal Merde and the Great AI Career Protection Racket

03 Sunday May 2026

Posted by in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Sunday 2nd May 2026

While you were busy doing a real job, the world’s most expensive LinkedIn notification has been rebranding your impending redundancy as a “growth mindset opportunity.” It’s time to stop listening to a man who thinks “Vibe Coding” is a professional skill and start seeing the “AI Divide” for what it truly is: a desperate, corporate protection racket designed by a “futurist” who couldn’t predict a sunset unless it was written in a $500 whitepaper.

Listen, before we start, let’s just take a moment to look at the word “Futurist.” What is a “Futurist”? In the old days, a futurist was a mentalist in a silver jumpsuit who thought we’d all be eating pill-form roast dinners while commuting to a moon colony via jetpack. Now, it’s just a title for a man in a sharp suit who’s managed to monetise the act of stating the fucking obvious with the hollow conviction of a cult leader selling “ascension” for forty quid a month.

And here he is. Banal Merde. A man who looks like he was synthesized in a lab from the DNA of a LinkedIn “Top Voice” and a wet cardboard box.

His latest piece of career-advice-slop, “The New AI Career Divide,” is the kind of breathless, sycophantic corporate fan-fiction that makes you want to go and live in a cave and communicate only through the medium of throwing stones at consultants.

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SATURDAY GIG: The Great Transformation Race – 2026/05/02

02 Saturday May 2026

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Ursula Rosenstein and Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Saturday 2nd May 2026

Large vintage film reel on a beach with a digital wave and futuristic city skyline.
A vintage film reel rests on a beach as a digital wave crashes before a futuristic city skyline under the aurora borealis.

SATURDAY: The Great Transformation Race (Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Vapid LinkedIn Word-Salad of the Techno-Toffs)

I was reading LinkedIn the other day. I know. I know. It’s a cry for help. LinkedIn is the only place on the internet where people talk like they’ve been lobotomised by a McKinsey PowerPoint presentation and then fed through a shredder. It’s a digital business park where everyone is wearing an invisible lanyard and shouting “Synergy!” at a pigeon.

And there he was. Bernice Carr. The Bernice Carr. A man whose job title, “Strategic Business & Technology Advisor,” is basically Latin for “I possess a library of blasers and a subscription to ChatGPT, and I will use both to make you feel slightly anxious about things that don’t exist.”

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CONSIDER THIS: Is the Cognitive Engine a Real Threat or Just Hype?

23 Thursday Apr 2026

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Thursday 23rd April 2026

Large vintage film reel on a beach with a digital wave and futuristic city skyline.
A vintage film reel rests on a beach as a digital wave crashes before a futuristic city skyline under the aurora borealis.

Oh, look what the algorithm dragged in. It’s an article by Julian Sterling-Vane. A “Temporal Architect.”

Now, before we begin, let’s just pause and dismantle the job title “Temporal Architect,” shall we? In any sane civilisation, a “Temporal Architect” would be a man in a tinfoil hat shouting at a pigeon in a precinct. But in our current late-stage capitalist hellscape, it’s a bloke in a slim-fit navy blazer who gets paid fifty grand a head to tell HR directors that, by 2030, their staplers will have “emotional intelligence.”

Sterling-Vane has written a piece titled: “Why the Cognitive Engine Isn’t a Bubble (But It Could Still Topple the Counting House).” It’s a masterpiece of the genre I like to call “The Professional Network Shrug.” It’s the prose equivalent of a man trying to sell you a monorail while simultaneously backing away toward an escape pod.

Let’s let the combined psychic energy of Aloysius Snarl, Montgomery Metal, and St. John Spleen take a look at this steaming pile of visionary “content.”

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CONSIDER THIS: LinkedIn – 2026/04/09

09 Thursday Apr 2026

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A smartphone surrounded by numerous social media posts and like icons, depicting digital interaction

Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid Thursday 9th April 2026

Right. LinkedIn.

You know, I was thinking about this the other day, or rather, I was forced to think about it because some algorithm had decided that what I really needed at 7:42 in the morning, while I was still half-asleep and trying to remember why I exist, was yet another notification telling me that Kevin from Supply Chain Optimisation had “viewed my profile.”

Kevin. From Supply Chain Optimisation.

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GRIFTER’S CORNER: Navigating AI Choices in 2026: Beyond Model Selection

20 Friday Mar 2026

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones, Madrid, Friday 20th March 2026

March 20, 2026. Yes, that’s right, the calendar has finally caught up with the grift, hasn’t it? Thank you, thank you, for bothering to read my latest steaming pile of corporate word salad: “Choosing The Right AI In 2026 Is No Longer About Choosing The Right Model.” Because obviously, in 2026, choosing the right model would be far too simple, far too honest. No, no, we’ve evolved beyond that. We’re now in the rarefied realm of “capability profiles” and “orchestral conducting.” Please, hold your applause until I’ve finished flogging this dead horse made of buzzwords.

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THE SUNDAY RANT – The Great Data Grift, LockedIn Lunatics and the Death of Sense – Summary

24 Tuesday Feb 2026

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The Good Strat Board

Tuesday 24th February 2026

Right, so imagine this: it’s a Sunday in 2026, and somewhere in the digital equivalent of a greasy spoon café with flickering neon and a faint smell of burnt metadata, a group of data professionals has gathered round a table that’s less “round table discussion” and more “round table of the apocalypse”. They’ve had three coffees each, none of them decaf, and they’re absolutely livid about LinkedIn. Not the platform itself, you understand – though God knows it deserves it – but the absolute carnival of self-congratulatory lunacy that passes for “thought leadership” in the data world.

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THE SUNDAY RANT – The Great Data Grift, LockedIn Loons and the Death of Sense – 2026/02/22

22 Sunday Feb 2026

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THE SUNDAYS RANTS – The Great Data Grift, LockedIn Lunatics and the Death of Sense – 20260222

THE EXECUTIVE OVERVIEW

In this no-holds-barred Sunday roast, our battle-weary host and a panel of sharp-tongued data veterans, Smart Alex, George Melly, Yours Stewly, Mark Marx, and the indomitable Sir Afi, lay waste to the performative circus of LockedIn thought leadership. From endless 14-slide carousels promising “self-healing dashboards” and “100% trust” via GenAI, to £997 masterclasses in buzzword alchemy, over-caffeinated gurus flooding feeds with five daily posts about AI-powered stewardship, governance zombies, and rainbow-vomiting BI masterpieces, these self-appointed prophets are dissected with ruthless wit and medieval flair. Expect rants on hallucinating AI stewards, rancid data lakes masquerading as oil, cultural transformation workshops that change nothing but bank balances, and a clarion call to mute the emoji hordes, demand real DAX proofs, and reclaim feeds for quiet virtue over vapourware. A cathartic, coffee-fuelled takedown of the grift keeping data professionals scrolling in despair, because sometimes the only way to restore sense is to rant it back into existence.

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