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Tag Archives: Corporate Satire

HOW NOT TO: The Dawn of the Digital Parasite

10 Sunday May 2026

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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Tags

agentic-ai, AI Ethics, AI Governance, Artificial Intelligence, Brand Integrity, business strategy, Corporate Satire, Generative AI

Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Sunday 10th May 2026

Group of people networking and interacting at the Future Tech Gala with technology displays in the background
Guests engage in conversations and technology demos at the Future Tech Gala in a grand ballroom.

The Dawn of the Digital Parasite: Why Your Business Needs a Hallucinatory ‘Partner’ to Finish the Job of Bankrupting You

By Barnum Blather, Chief Thought-Evacuator at Blather & Grift Global

We live in an era of “innovation,” a word that here means “finding new and creative ways to charge legacy brands $50,000 for a PDF that was written by a sociopathic algorithm.” But today, we aren’t just talking about chatbots that tell your customers to eat rocks. No, we are entering the glorious, high-stakes age of Agentic AI, the “Design Partner” you never asked for, but will definitely be sued because of.

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EXPLAIN THIS: THE SEMIOTICS OF THE ABYSS

06 Wednesday May 2026

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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business strategy, Corporate Governance, Corporate Jargon, Corporate Satire, data-strategy, Management Consulting, Startup Culture, Thought Leadership

Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

THE SEMIOTICS OF THE ABYSS: WHY EVERY CHIEF EXTRACTION OFFICER NEEDS A BRAINVACUUM™ PROTOCOL

“The most expensive sequence of vowels I have ever been forced to endure.” – Kenny Meh


By Barnaby Squelch-Toad (Founding Partner at ShiteLogic™)

(Imagine, if you will, a man standing on a stage. He is wearing a suit that costs more than your house, but it’s tailored to make him look like a trendy geography teacher who’s just had a nervous breakdown in a Muji. He is pacing. He is doing that thing with his hands, the “invisible accordion”, that all these “thought leaders” do. This is the prose equivalent of that man.)

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HOW NOT TO: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy

06 Wednesday May 2026

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in All Data, code of conduct, Consultation, data science, Dogma, European Union, Excellence, Inform, educate and entertain., poem, poems, Poetry, Politics, Public Integrity Record, Strategy, The Big Data Contrarians, The hidden wealth of nations, United Kingdom

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AI Strategy, Artificial Intelligence, Corporate Jargon, Corporate Satire, Executive Leadership, LinkedIn Culture, Management Consulting, Tech Hype

Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

Title: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy (Or: How to Successfully Set Your Building on Fire While Smiling for a Headshot)

By Barnaby Sludge (Disruption Architect, Thought-Gland Inflator, and Professional Vapor-Salesman)


THE LIVERPOOL SCREAM (In the style of ‘The Fat Scouser’)

Listen to me, you tight-suited, Peloton-humping, organic-kale-smoothie-shitting sacks of corporate offal! I was walking past a boardroom the other day, a room so full of expensive air and low-level sociopathy it’s technically classified as a vacuum, and I saw a CEO. A man whose only contribution to the human race is deciding which shade of “Grey Despair” to paint the staff toilets.

And what was he doing? He was crying! He was weeping hot, salty tears into his gold-plated iPad because he didn’t have a VoidLogic strategy!

He’s terrified! He’s heard the buzzwords! “Generative Rectification!” “Algorithmic Synergy!” He doesn’t know what they mean, but he knows if he doesn’t buy them, the other boys at the Yacht Club will laugh at his small, non-AI-integrated genitals! It’s a con, you clowns! It’s the digital equivalent of selling a magic bean to a man who’s already sold his house to buy a specialised bean-holding glove! It’s Barnaby Sludge, standing there in a suit made of woven press releases, shouting, “Give me your money, or the computer will come to your house and eat your pension!”

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CONSIDER THIS: LinkedIn – 2026/04/09

09 Thursday Apr 2026

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Inform, educate and entertain.

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Corporate Culture, Corporate Satire, Enshittification, Ghost Jobs, Job Hunting, LinkedIn, LinkedIn Culture, Social Media Critique

Smartphone surrounded by many social media posts and red heart like icons
A smartphone surrounded by numerous social media posts and like icons, depicting digital interaction

Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid Thursday 9th April 2026

Right. LinkedIn.

You know, I was thinking about this the other day, or rather, I was forced to think about it because some algorithm had decided that what I really needed at 7:42 in the morning, while I was still half-asleep and trying to remember why I exist, was yet another notification telling me that Kevin from Supply Chain Optimisation had “viewed my profile.”

Kevin. From Supply Chain Optimisation.

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Creativity – Three Stories – Remastered for 2026

05 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Dogma, Knowledge

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Business Consulting, Business Management, Corporate Satire, Corporate Strategy, Enterprise Architecture, Innovation Management, IT Governance, Strategy

Martyn Richard Jones

Remastered for 2026

Here are three stories that illustrate the connection between creativity and what we do in business. Jack’s Retail Story talks about the expansion of retail business; Jill’s Colour Book Story highlights a hugely pervasive tendency, even in these times; and Martyn’s Summer Story argues that there is a strategic time and place for some things.

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Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 4 – Remaster 2026

04 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Architecture, Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge, Peeves

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

By Martyn Richard Jones

Continued from Part 3, which can be found here -> Part 3


“The following week, the full high-powered delegation from The Taffia Connection and BogartSys flies in. It was as if an army had come to do battle with us. Uniformly slick, sullen and tacky. iPhone; laptop; knock-off Marks and Spark’s; check patterns; butt ugly ties; ‘plastique’ shoes; mismatching socks; ‘business’ rucksacks; all weather hoodies; and, worst of all, off-the-peg smirks just begging to be slapped”.

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Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 3

03 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Process

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Continued from Part 2 which can be found here -> Part 2

I look over at Crème, who is now staring out the window watching the rain. I cough, theatrically, for effect. “So, Crème, would you like a rest, or do you want to tell us about what happened next?”

“Oh, yes” Crème says, “Sorry, I was wandering there for a while”. She continues.

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Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 2 – 2026

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Written by Martyn Richard Jones

Continued from Part 1: Crème Continues…

Part 1 can be found here -> Part 1

“We had recently acquired a media news and entertainments business – Media Macaroni International, and we were planning on integrating their general ledger into the corporate IT landscape. One morning I received a call from the CIO of the newly acquired company, inviting me to their site for a meet and greet event.”

“So I moseyed on down to Tinsel Town and got a briefing from not only the CIO, but the full board of directors of Media Macaroni.”

“To cut a long story short, they basically put me on the spot. Either I integrated the entire Data Warehousing across the corporate in 9 months, or we would have serious problems of convergence. The message couldn’t have been clearer. Either I got my act together and made this acquisition work, or what looked like a humongous hot potato could be burning my mouth anytime soon.”

“I told the directors there and then that the mission was going to be incredibly difficult to fulfil. However, the mood changed.”

“Their CIO looks across the table and tells me that he can help me out of the hole. You see, we have employed a service company that does most of our IT work for us, and according to us at Media Macaroni they are the bee’s knees.”

“So ‘who are these guys’, I ask. Back comes the ominous response: The Taffia Connection”

“So, back home, I call all of my business managers together to discuss the next steps, and despite the misgivings of most of my department heads, and indeed my gut instincts, I become convinced that we should give The Taffia Connection a chance to tell us what they can do for us”.

“So, to cut a long story short, I bring in The Taffia, they give me a dog and pony show on what they can do for us… full data integration, enterprise application integration, enterprise data warehousing, business intelligence, MDM, CRM, Data Quality, Total Quality, IT Business Alignment up the wazoo, and I find the message so compelling that we initiate contractual discussions with The Taffia Connection”.

“As a result, and against all the best advice of my own best staff, I decide to outsource a large chunk of the integration, CRM, EAI, EDW and BI work to The Taffia Connection, work which I am assured will be carried out very cost-effectively by the offshore sister company Bogartsys (whose unofficial slogan at the time was ‘powered by gerbils, motivated by greed’) To be honest, I thought it was great; hell, my board thought it was great. You have to understand the mood of the times. It was all crazy. We were all crazy”.

“Then over the following two years I lost all my friends, my staff who once worshipped the ground I walked on, loathed me, my cat Lucky died of loneliness and depression, my family refused to talk to me, and every now and then a stray dog would pee on the alloy rims of my two year old beamer”.

Part 3 can be found here -> Part 3

Many thanks for reading.


File under: Good Strat, Good Strategy, Martyn Richard Jones, Martyn Jones, Cambriano Energy, Iniciativa Consulting, Iniciativa para Data Warehouse, Tiki Taka Pro

Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 1 – Remaster 2026

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge, Polemic

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Martyn ‘Rhysiart’ Jones

Spain

It’s Friday morning in Canary Wharf, and I have been asked to facilitate a meeting of a chapel of IT Dogma Suckers and Digital Snake-oil Victims, the self-help recovery chain for people who have fallen victim to the pernicious and debilitating effects of IT dogma and professional rip-offs. Continue reading →

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