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Tag Archives: Vendor Management

Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 4 – Remaster 2026

04 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Architecture, Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge, Peeves

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

By Martyn Richard Jones

Continued from Part 3, which can be found here -> Part 3


“The following week, the full high-powered delegation from The Taffia Connection and BogartSys flies in. It was as if an army had come to do battle with us. Uniformly slick, sullen and tacky. iPhone; laptop; knock-off Marks and Spark’s; check patterns; butt ugly ties; ‘plastique’ shoes; mismatching socks; ‘business’ rucksacks; all weather hoodies; and, worst of all, off-the-peg smirks just begging to be slapped”.

Continue reading →

Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 3

03 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Process

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Continued from Part 2 which can be found here -> Part 2

I look over at Crème, who is now staring out the window watching the rain. I cough, theatrically, for effect. “So, Crème, would you like a rest, or do you want to tell us about what happened next?”

“Oh, yes” Crème says, “Sorry, I was wandering there for a while”. She continues.

Continue reading →

Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 2 – 2026

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Written by Martyn Richard Jones

Continued from Part 1: Crème Continues…

Part 1 can be found here -> Part 1

“We had recently acquired a media news and entertainments business – Media Macaroni International, and we were planning on integrating their general ledger into the corporate IT landscape. One morning I received a call from the CIO of the newly acquired company, inviting me to their site for a meet and greet event.”

“So I moseyed on down to Tinsel Town and got a briefing from not only the CIO, but the full board of directors of Media Macaroni.”

“To cut a long story short, they basically put me on the spot. Either I integrated the entire Data Warehousing across the corporate in 9 months, or we would have serious problems of convergence. The message couldn’t have been clearer. Either I got my act together and made this acquisition work, or what looked like a humongous hot potato could be burning my mouth anytime soon.”

“I told the directors there and then that the mission was going to be incredibly difficult to fulfil. However, the mood changed.”

“Their CIO looks across the table and tells me that he can help me out of the hole. You see, we have employed a service company that does most of our IT work for us, and according to us at Media Macaroni they are the bee’s knees.”

“So ‘who are these guys’, I ask. Back comes the ominous response: The Taffia Connection”

“So, back home, I call all of my business managers together to discuss the next steps, and despite the misgivings of most of my department heads, and indeed my gut instincts, I become convinced that we should give The Taffia Connection a chance to tell us what they can do for us”.

“So, to cut a long story short, I bring in The Taffia, they give me a dog and pony show on what they can do for us… full data integration, enterprise application integration, enterprise data warehousing, business intelligence, MDM, CRM, Data Quality, Total Quality, IT Business Alignment up the wazoo, and I find the message so compelling that we initiate contractual discussions with The Taffia Connection”.

“As a result, and against all the best advice of my own best staff, I decide to outsource a large chunk of the integration, CRM, EAI, EDW and BI work to The Taffia Connection, work which I am assured will be carried out very cost-effectively by the offshore sister company Bogartsys (whose unofficial slogan at the time was ‘powered by gerbils, motivated by greed’) To be honest, I thought it was great; hell, my board thought it was great. You have to understand the mood of the times. It was all crazy. We were all crazy”.

“Then over the following two years I lost all my friends, my staff who once worshipped the ground I walked on, loathed me, my cat Lucky died of loneliness and depression, my family refused to talk to me, and every now and then a stray dog would pee on the alloy rims of my two year old beamer”.

Part 3 can be found here -> Part 3

Many thanks for reading.


File under: Good Strat, Good Strategy, Martyn Richard Jones, Martyn Jones, Cambriano Energy, Iniciativa Consulting, Iniciativa para Data Warehouse, Tiki Taka Pro

Mugged in Data Hell – Perils of embracing the Faustian Side of IT – Part 1 – Remaster 2026

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Martyn Rhisiart Jones in Business Intelligence, Data Warehouse, Knowledge, Polemic

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Corporate Satire, Data Warehouse, Enterprise Architecture, IT Consulting, IT Failures, IT Governance, IT Outsourcing, Vendor Management

Martyn ‘Rhysiart’ Jones

Spain

It’s Friday morning in Canary Wharf, and I have been asked to facilitate a meeting of a chapel of IT Dogma Suckers and Digital Snake-oil Victims, the self-help recovery chain for people who have fallen victim to the pernicious and debilitating effects of IT dogma and professional rip-offs. Continue reading →

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