Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, 17th May 2026

More WordPress Third-Party Service BS: Our service provider OpenAI (“Just Another Boring, Desperate AI Startup“) could not process your prompt due to a moderation system. Please try to rephrase it, changing potentially problematic words and try again.

According to the shiny-suited ‘thought leaders’ currently infesting LinkedIn, artificial intelligence is now a fully-fledged scientist, and laboratories can drive themselves. But before we hand over the agonising, beautiful poetry of human discovery to a predictive text engine, perhaps we should ask why we’re letting middle-management buzzword merchants sell us the tickets to our own obsolescence.

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Right! Listen! I was looking at LinkedIn the other day. Why do we do it? Why do we subject ourselves to LinkedIn? It’s a website designed specifically to make you feel like you’ve died, but instead of burning in a majestic, fiery hell, you’re trapped in an eternal, beige purgatory of middle-management synergy meetings. It’s a digital holding pen where sociopaths with MBA degrees and aggressively white teeth congratulate each other on waking up at 4 AM to drink lukewarm lemon water, take an ice bath, and “crush their Q3 paradigms.”

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones and Sir Alexei Lovering 

Madrid, Tuesday 12th May 2026

Right, listen to me, you pathetic, scrambling little cogs in the late-stage capitalist machine! Gather round the glowing rectangles of your impending doom and let us vigorously dissect the latest steaming pile of verbal effluent from the High Priest of the Empty Platitude, the undisputed heavyweight champion of the corporate grift: Barnaby Swill.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Sunday 10th May 2026

The Dawn of the Digital Parasite: Why Your Business Needs a Hallucinatory ‘Partner’ to Finish the Job of Bankrupting You

By Barnum Blather, Chief Thought-Evacuator at Blather & Grift Global

We live in an era of “innovation,” a word that here means “finding new and creative ways to charge legacy brands $50,000 for a PDF that was written by a sociopathic algorithm.” But today, we aren’t just talking about chatbots that tell your customers to eat rocks. No, we are entering the glorious, high-stakes age of Agentic AI, the “Design Partner” you never asked for, but will definitely be sued because of.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, 9th May 2026

The Silicon Rapture: Reed Hollowman on Why You Should Stop Worrying and Love the Bot

By Barnaby Bluster Intergalactic Futurist, Alpha-Thought-Leader, and Man Who Once Met a Robot in a Dream.

There are moments in history that define the very fabric of how we pretend to work. I recently had the distinct, high-margin privilege of sitting down with Reed Hollowman, a man whose bank account is so large it has its own gravitational pull and whose optimism is so “strategic” it has been known to ignore the laws of thermodynamics.

Reed, a founding father of the Linky-Dink empire and a partner at Silver-Latch Ventures, isn’t just looking at the future of AI. He is manifesting it into a series of highly lucrative slide decks. According to Reed, we are no longer in the “Testing Things to See if They Actually Work” phase. We have entered the era of the AI Ascendancy, where the only thing standing between you and total global dominance is your annoying insistence on employing actual human beings.

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The Great Digital Lobotomy: Why Your Sentient Spreadsheet Still Can’t Make a Decent Cup of Tea

By Barnaby Blather (Chief Visionary Officer at The Institute for Stating the Bleeding Obvious)

In the ever-churning septic tank of Silicon Valley buzzwords, “Agentic AI” is the latest floating turd we’re all being asked to admire. Our resident “thought leader,” the perpetually breathless Barnaby Blather, has emerged from his mahogany-lined echo chamber to grace us with his latest revelation: “The Biggest Barriers Blocking Agentic AI Adoption.”

It’s a masterclass in the kind of vapid, corporate-flavored “insight” that makes one long for the sweet release of a total solar flare. Here is a translation for those of us who haven’t yet replaced our frontal lobes with ChatGPT plugins.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

THE SEMIOTICS OF THE ABYSS: WHY EVERY CHIEF EXTRACTION OFFICER NEEDS A BRAINVACUUM™ PROTOCOL

“The most expensive sequence of vowels I have ever been forced to endure.” – Kenny Meh

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By Barnaby Squelch-Toad (Founding Partner at ShiteLogic™)

(Imagine, if you will, a man standing on a stage. He is wearing a suit that costs more than your house, but it’s tailored to make him look like a trendy geography teacher who’s just had a nervous breakdown in a Muji. He is pacing. He is doing that thing with his hands, the “invisible accordion”, that all these “thought leaders” do. This is the prose equivalent of that man.)

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

Title: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy (Or: How to Successfully Set Your Building on Fire While Smiling for a Headshot)

By Barnaby Sludge (Disruption Architect, Thought-Gland Inflator, and Professional Vapor-Salesman)

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THE LIVERPOOL SCREAM (In the style of ‘The Fat Scouser’)

Listen to me, you tight-suited, Peloton-humping, organic-kale-smoothie-shitting sacks of corporate offal! I was walking past a boardroom the other day, a room so full of expensive air and low-level sociopathy it’s technically classified as a vacuum, and I saw a CEO. A man whose only contribution to the human race is deciding which shade of “Grey Despair” to paint the staff toilets.

And what was he doing? He was crying! He was weeping hot, salty tears into his gold-plated iPad because he didn’t have a VoidLogic strategy!

He’s terrified! He’s heard the buzzwords! “Generative Rectification!” “Algorithmic Synergy!” He doesn’t know what they mean, but he knows if he doesn’t buy them, the other boys at the Yacht Club will laugh at his small, non-AI-integrated genitals! It’s a con, you clowns! It’s the digital equivalent of selling a magic bean to a man who’s already sold his house to buy a specialised bean-holding glove! It’s Barnaby Sludge, standing there in a suit made of woven press releases, shouting, “Give me your money, or the computer will come to your house and eat your pension!”

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Sunday 2nd May 2026

While you were busy doing a real job, the world’s most expensive LinkedIn notification has been rebranding your impending redundancy as a “growth mindset opportunity.” It’s time to stop listening to a man who thinks “Vibe Coding” is a professional skill and start seeing the “AI Divide” for what it truly is: a desperate, corporate protection racket designed by a “futurist” who couldn’t predict a sunset unless it was written in a $500 whitepaper.

Listen, before we start, let’s just take a moment to look at the word “Futurist.” What is a “Futurist”? In the old days, a futurist was a mentalist in a silver jumpsuit who thought we’d all be eating pill-form roast dinners while commuting to a moon colony via jetpack. Now, it’s just a title for a man in a sharp suit who’s managed to monetise the act of stating the fucking obvious with the hollow conviction of a cult leader selling “ascension” for forty quid a month.

And here he is. Banal Merde. A man who looks like he was synthesized in a lab from the DNA of a LinkedIn “Top Voice” and a wet cardboard box.

His latest piece of career-advice-slop, “The New AI Career Divide,” is the kind of breathless, sycophantic corporate fan-fiction that makes you want to go and live in a cave and communicate only through the medium of throwing stones at consultants.

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