THE COMING DIGITAL LOCUSTS: Why Your Pathetic ‘Enterprise Solutions’ Are Just Seasoning for the AI Swarm
Martyn Rhisiart Jones, Sir Afilonius Rex and a man who once shared a corridor with a fellow who briefly tutored a junior cabinet minister at Balliol, and who is currently vibrating with the righteous, Scouse-infused fury of a man who’s just seen the price of a sourdough loaf in Islington.
Madrid, Wednesday 29th April 2026
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Martyn Rhisiart Jones, Thursday of Mysteries, 2nd April 2026
Oh, sweet suffering Jesus on a blockchain, here we go again with the latest sermon from the Church of AI Salvation.
Bunty Bower, that internationally bestselling author, keynote speaker, futurist, and professional tomorrow-peddler, has once more floated down from the LinkedIn heavens to bless us with his wisdom: fraud doesn’t just pop up like a surprise erection at the exact moment someone taps “pay.” No, no, no. It leaves clues, darling. Hidden signals. Whispered portents. Like a conspiracy theorist who’s discovered the radical concept of “things happen before other things.”
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The Good Strat Board
Tuesday 24th February 2026
Right, so imagine this: it’s a Sunday in 2026, and somewhere in the digital equivalent of a greasy spoon café with flickering neon and a faint smell of burnt metadata, a group of data professionals has gathered round a table that’s less “round table discussion” and more “round table of the apocalypse”. They’ve had three coffees each, none of them decaf, and they’re absolutely livid about LinkedIn. Not the platform itself, you understand – though God knows it deserves it – but the absolute carnival of self-congratulatory lunacy that passes for “thought leadership” in the data world.
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THE SUNDAYS RANTS – The Great Data Grift, LockedIn Lunatics and the Death of Sense – 20260222
In this no-holds-barred Sunday roast, our battle-weary host and a panel of sharp-tongued data veterans, Smart Alex, George Melly, Yours Stewly, Mark Marx, and the indomitable Sir Afi, lay waste to the performative circus of LockedIn thought leadership. From endless 14-slide carousels promising “self-healing dashboards” and “100% trust” via GenAI, to £997 masterclasses in buzzword alchemy, over-caffeinated gurus flooding feeds with five daily posts about AI-powered stewardship, governance zombies, and rainbow-vomiting BI masterpieces, these self-appointed prophets are dissected with ruthless wit and medieval flair. Expect rants on hallucinating AI stewards, rancid data lakes masquerading as oil, cultural transformation workshops that change nothing but bank balances, and a clarion call to mute the emoji hordes, demand real DAX proofs, and reclaim feeds for quiet virtue over vapourware. A cathartic, coffee-fuelled takedown of the grift keeping data professionals scrolling in despair, because sometimes the only way to restore sense is to rant it back into existence.
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Martyn Rhisiart Jones
Madrid, Wednesday 21 January 2026
In early 2026 the technology industry is once again telling big confident stories about its own future. These stories dominate earnings calls conference stages and investor decks. They sound transformative urgent and inevitable. Yet when examined closely many of them rest on fragile foundations and selective evidence rather than operational reality.
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