A bespoke-suited “Global Futurist” has finally solved the healthcare crisis. Put away your bandages, ignore the fourteen-hour wait times, and definitely don’t bother funding the nurses, because the only medicine the collapsing system needs now is an actionable synergy dashboard. God help us all.

Gideon Pivot-Paradigm, Global Head of Stating the Obvious Through Algorithms

Berlin, Tuesday 2nd June 2026

RIGHT! LISTEN TO ME! You’ve got these absolute charlatans, these bespoke-suited snake-oil salesmen floating around on corporate networking sites, publishing little essays for other bespoke-suited vampires to applaud. I read one today by a bloke—let’s call him Bartholomew Sparr, a “Global Futurist.” A futurist! That’s not a job! A futurist is just a bloke who owns a crystal ball but went to business school!