Image4Martyn Richard Jones

Gif sur Yvette 7th October 2017

In my life, I have never seen such a destructive and mindless movement in data architecture and management as that which has been nurtured, groomed and promoted by those who labour relentlessly, perfidiously and insidiously to ensure the continued and simultaneously unbelievable relevance of disruptive corporate-terrorising Big Data bullshitters, venomous data-oil hucksters and PowerPoint enabled know-nothing digital-arseholes.

You can breathe now.

There, I said it. But you can take that to the bank.

The thing is, I have nothing against the technology, it’s simple, hardly innovative, nor does it push technological boundaries. But, it does a job, and if there’s a job that you think it’s made for, then go for it.

However, there are jobs that it’s shit for. Let’s take some examples.

Data warehousing, don’t we love it? But she’s not long for this world, apparently… Yes, Hadoop is going to replace Bill Inmon and Data Warehousing, as we know them. Why or how? Who can tell?

Thinking is not important. Doing, even less. Bullshit is king.

Hell, even that SQL query designer, Ralph of the Dimensions, is not free of their critical reach.

Seriously, proposing a primitive based file storage and processing technology as the solution to any serious business problem is really going to put you in a bad light.

Hadoop is the Harry Potter of Data Warehousing, the Popeye of data integration and the Pansy Potter of sophisticated data architecture and management.

But, just when you think that the Hadoop weirdos can’t get any weirder, they turn pro.

Hadoop for your Enterprise Data Hub?

What in the name of Sam Hill have these people been smoking and drinking up there in the La La Land of Hadoop?

The Enterprise Data Hub is a serious proposition for the reliable, cost effective and repeatable interchange business information in a complex IT landscape.

It’s a business problem.

Yes, we can use technology to deliver a strategy.

But it is still a business issue.

The Hadoopers turn it into a technical strategy. What they say is what matters.

You can’t even put it down to them being incurable techies.

No, they are shameless bullshitters, armed with only a crappy hammer and a lot of chutzpah. And for them every problem looks like a bent nail.

Really, where do these clowns come from?

So, don’t try and justify this crap, or I might just not ‘friend you’ on facebook or linkedin. You know, you can’t blame Putin for all of this Big Data bullshit. 😉

Have a lovely weekend y’all.

That’s all from me for today. Many thanks for giving me your time and please don’t hesitate to leave your comments below. So, until our paths cross next time.

Bye for now.

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