Martyn Richard Jones
Our bloke in Brussels, 3rd July 2019
It’s a simple, timeless, human truth; data must adapt or die.
Read between the lines, the writing on the wall, the fat lady singing and the barking dogs at the gate.
(more…)Category: The Big Data Contrarians
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Saving Private Hadoop
Brussels 7th June 2019
Martyn Richard Jones
By all accounts Hadoop is heading down the pan and bits of big data are not that far behind.
But should we rejoice?
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Faking It – Data, media and manipulation
Martyn Richard Jones
Brussels, 12th May 2019
It has recently been revealed that political campaigns are taking the unprecedented step of hiring the services of consulting companies that will assist them in reaching, convincing and influencing voters.
This is a scandalous abuse of power, privilege and technology.
Big Data and data science are being used on a massive scale to manipulate political elections, control voter behaviour and to undermine constitutional democracy and the rule of law. There is no doubt about this; I read it on the internet. (more…)
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What if the Hadoop Ecosphere Were a Box of Chocolates
Martyn Richard Jones
Gif sur Yvette, 12th December 2017
Just because it looks like a bunch of half-baked crap, based on some well shoddy ideas and made by a surfeit of half-arsed chancers, doesn’t mean that it is, does it…
Even though it is.
Sorry! But, I digress.
If the Hadoop ecosphere were a box of chocolates, it would come in fantastic packaging that would make the grandest of Belgian chocolatiers emerald green with envy.
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STRAIGHT TALK: The Bastards of Big Data: You can’t blame Putin for all of this bullshit
Martyn Richard JonesGif sur Yvette 7th October 2017
In my life, I have never seen such a destructive and mindless movement in data architecture and management as that which has been nurtured, groomed and promoted by those who labour relentlessly, perfidiously and insidiously to ensure the continued and simultaneously unbelievable relevance of disruptive corporate-terrorising Big Data bullshitters, venomous data-oil hucksters and PowerPoint enabled know-nothing digital-arseholes. (more…)
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Business Data Explained: The Long Read
Martyn Richard Jones, Gif sur Yvette 23rd September 2017
Hi, Friends. As always, it’s great to be able to engage with you again. I am writing to you from the splendorous, wooded and verdant French town of Gif sur Yvette, and I wanted to take this opportunity to address aspects of data for an audience beyond the interests of data management and architecture people.
There is confusion about some of the fundamental aspects of business data, and there shouldn’t. If we strip away all of the boloney, it’s a subject that is quite approachable. In short, ‘it is not rocket surgery’. (more…)
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STRAIGHT TALK: 5 Simple Tips to Help You Survive the Big Data Bullshit Revolution
Afilonius RexDunny on the Wold, 1st July 2017
The 4th big data bullshit is here, and it is completely reimagining the way we conceptualise, think and reason. This amazingly and imaginary Govesque world is driven by hyperbole and mendacity distributed via interconnected digital devices that are capable of amassing and fermenting ever-growing amounts of big data bullshit.
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Become an Instant Big Data Rock Star with 10 Insider Tips from the Top
Martyn Richard Jones Talacharn, 28th May 2017
Folks! Here I bring you ten amazing tips from some of Big Data’s great and good. Tips that will help you become the Big Data Rock Star that you have always dreamed of being.
But first, a question.
What’s the sexiest job in the 21st century? (more…)
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How to turn internal user data into a massive liability – Zéro pièce
Martyn Richard Jones
Laugharne 18th May 2017
“Our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don’t care that we don’t.”
― Dylan Thomas
Let me explain
I read a poster the other, it read “How To Turn Internal User Data Into Revenue”. It was one of those Facebook or LinkedIn hooks, you know, the ones used to get people to spend precious time on useless pursuits.
It reminded me of a book that my mother-in-law bought for my partner, many, many moons ago. “How to make a mint whilst you snooze”, or some such wacky title.
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TEAM 2.0 Total Eminence Analytical Mapper – The highest level architecture
This is the draft version of TEAM 0.1
The TEAM 2.0 version will be published in June 2017.
This will by far the best and most streamlined and comprehensive analytics and (big) data framework that has ever existed in the life-time of IT.
Many thanks for reading.