Martyn Rhisiart Jones and Alexei Steel

Madrid and London, 10th May 2026

Alright, citizens! Gather ’round, because I’ve been standing in the queue at the local organic laundromat in Tufnell Park, and I’ve had an epiphany. I was looking at a discarded copy of The Posh Spreadsheet Quarterly, and there he was. The man, the myth, the human megaphone for corporate mediocrity: Bernie Bumper-Book.

Now, for those of you who haven’t had the “pleasure,” Bernie Bumper-Book is what we call a “Futurist.” Which is a job title that roughly translates to: “I get paid fifty grand a day to tell CEOs that water is wet, but I call it ‘Liquid Synergy H2O 2.0’.” He’s written more books than I’ve had hot dinners, and I’ve had a lot of hot dinners, mostly involving veggie sausages and a deep sense of existential dread.

Bernie is the king of the Grand Delusion. He’s the man who looks at a toaster and sees a “Disruptive Breakfast Interface.” But if you look back at his track record, his “prophecies” have about the same hit rate as a blindfolded donkey playing darts in a hurricane.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Sunday 10th May 2026

The Dawn of the Digital Parasite: Why Your Business Needs a Hallucinatory ‘Partner’ to Finish the Job of Bankrupting You

By Barnum Blather, Chief Thought-Evacuator at Blather & Grift Global

We live in an era of “innovation,” a word that here means “finding new and creative ways to charge legacy brands $50,000 for a PDF that was written by a sociopathic algorithm.” But today, we aren’t just talking about chatbots that tell your customers to eat rocks. No, we are entering the glorious, high-stakes age of Agentic AI, the “Design Partner” you never asked for, but will definitely be sued because of.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, 9th May 2026

The Silicon Rapture: Reed Hollowman on Why You Should Stop Worrying and Love the Bot

By Barnaby Bluster Intergalactic Futurist, Alpha-Thought-Leader, and Man Who Once Met a Robot in a Dream.

There are moments in history that define the very fabric of how we pretend to work. I recently had the distinct, high-margin privilege of sitting down with Reed Hollowman, a man whose bank account is so large it has its own gravitational pull and whose optimism is so “strategic” it has been known to ignore the laws of thermodynamics.

Reed, a founding father of the Linky-Dink empire and a partner at Silver-Latch Ventures, isn’t just looking at the future of AI. He is manifesting it into a series of highly lucrative slide decks. According to Reed, we are no longer in the “Testing Things to See if They Actually Work” phase. We have entered the era of the AI Ascendancy, where the only thing standing between you and total global dominance is your annoying insistence on employing actual human beings.

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The Great Digital Lobotomy: Why Your Sentient Spreadsheet Still Can’t Make a Decent Cup of Tea

By Barnaby Blather (Chief Visionary Officer at The Institute for Stating the Bleeding Obvious)

In the ever-churning septic tank of Silicon Valley buzzwords, “Agentic AI” is the latest floating turd we’re all being asked to admire. Our resident “thought leader,” the perpetually breathless Barnaby Blather, has emerged from his mahogany-lined echo chamber to grace us with his latest revelation: “The Biggest Barriers Blocking Agentic AI Adoption.”

It’s a masterclass in the kind of vapid, corporate-flavored “insight” that makes one long for the sweet release of a total solar flare. Here is a translation for those of us who haven’t yet replaced our frontal lobes with ChatGPT plugins.

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

THE SEMIOTICS OF THE ABYSS: WHY EVERY CHIEF EXTRACTION OFFICER NEEDS A BRAINVACUUM™ PROTOCOL

“The most expensive sequence of vowels I have ever been forced to endure.” – Kenny Meh

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By Barnaby Squelch-Toad (Founding Partner at ShiteLogic™)

(Imagine, if you will, a man standing on a stage. He is wearing a suit that costs more than your house, but it’s tailored to make him look like a trendy geography teacher who’s just had a nervous breakdown in a Muji. He is pacing. He is doing that thing with his hands, the “invisible accordion”, that all these “thought leaders” do. This is the prose equivalent of that man.)

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Martyn Rhisiart Jones

Madrid, Wednesday 6th May 2026

Title: Why Every CEO Needs a ‘VoidLogic’ Strategy (Or: How to Successfully Set Your Building on Fire While Smiling for a Headshot)

By Barnaby Sludge (Disruption Architect, Thought-Gland Inflator, and Professional Vapor-Salesman)

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THE LIVERPOOL SCREAM (In the style of ‘The Fat Scouser’)

Listen to me, you tight-suited, Peloton-humping, organic-kale-smoothie-shitting sacks of corporate offal! I was walking past a boardroom the other day, a room so full of expensive air and low-level sociopathy it’s technically classified as a vacuum, and I saw a CEO. A man whose only contribution to the human race is deciding which shade of “Grey Despair” to paint the staff toilets.

And what was he doing? He was crying! He was weeping hot, salty tears into his gold-plated iPad because he didn’t have a VoidLogic strategy!

He’s terrified! He’s heard the buzzwords! “Generative Rectification!” “Algorithmic Synergy!” He doesn’t know what they mean, but he knows if he doesn’t buy them, the other boys at the Yacht Club will laugh at his small, non-AI-integrated genitals! It’s a con, you clowns! It’s the digital equivalent of selling a magic bean to a man who’s already sold his house to buy a specialised bean-holding glove! It’s Barnaby Sludge, standing there in a suit made of woven press releases, shouting, “Give me your money, or the computer will come to your house and eat your pension!”

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Sir Afilonius Rex and the Good Strat Skunkworks Team

New York, Monday 4th May 2026

When your military strategy is a war crime, and your diplomatic capital is sub-zero, you don’t change course; you simply flood the digital commons with enough AI-generated slurry to drown the scream of reality. From the “Gaza Model” to the rebranding of mass murder as “target-rich urban rejuvenation,” we examine the masterclass in moral arbitrage currently being shat into your feed by the world’s most expensive, sweaty, and terrified propaganda machine.

Listen, you have to admire the sheer, unadulterated gall of it. We are currently witnessing a masterclass in what I like to call “Moral Liquidity Arbitrage.” The Hasbara machine hasn’t just been ratcheted up; it’s been fitted with a nitro-boosted, AI-driven engine and launched into a brick wall of reality at two hundred miles an hour.

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