Martyn Richard Jones and Afilonius Rex
Mountain View, 25th May 2017
Big data is tremendously interesting for syndicates, businesses and societies as a tool, platform and hyper-hype whizzo technique to help them stay together, pumped and economically with-it in today’s fast-moving digital bazaar of a transformational world.
With the Big Data industry surfacing so hastily, where does a business turn to before they want to put their numbers into action to improve patron familiarities, reduce mix, elevate operations and manage hazards?
Countless bizzes don’t have the necessary stretch of time to carefully excavate into all of the accessible exploration and integrate new machineries. So here’s some pointers to help them out.
Namely, we compiled a “Big Data Experts” list to help you folks out.
10 Big Data Experts to Follow
1 – Charlie Chuckles – The joker in the pack
Charlie claims to be in the Big Data business for, as he pithily remarks, “shits ‘n’ giggles”. We know better than that. Charlie is a dyed-in-the-wool expert on data deconstruction, massively parallel symbollox-processing and extremely dense computing. With content ranging from DIY Big Data assisted brain science to heavy-metal Ozzy Osbourne singing about rocket surgery, his insight is always valuable. As he says himself “It’s all a bit of a laugh really.”
2 – Pikey McPieface – The king of big data visualisation
There isn’t a thing in the entire universe that Pikey does not think he knows about Big Data and visualisation. Pikey believes that facts and stats hinder the work of the business person in western civilisation, and he advocates the subconscious communication of the state of things through the injudicious use of a haze of shapes, colours and sounds – something that Big John Charles calls “the American way”.
People disperse far and wide when there is a Pikey McPieface conference in town. Indeed, it is commonly said that nothing (absolutely nothing), is better than hearing Pikey talk about Big Data and shapes and colours and sounds.
3 – Elsie ‘Tuana’ Tanner – Big Data’s crown princess
Elsie is a freelance data scientist, a well-travelled big data guru and part-time mystic. She offers up pearls of wisdom, enchantment and forfeiture on everything from Big Data to AI and advanced equations (adding, multiplication, subtraction, etc.) As well as being a respected speaker and a brewer of magical medicines, she regularly speaks at the well-known Big Data venue, the Rovers’ Return, where she invites listeners to gain stout competitive advantage at the universal bar of make-your-own-opportunity. As one of her best friends said “Elsie Tanner’s heart is where a fella’s Big Data is – and the bigger the Big Data, the more heart she’s got.”
4 – Rab C. Nesbitt – interpreting Big Data and narrating its hidden secrets
Rab, a global data scientist by appointment to the royal houses of Europe, hails from bonny Scotland (he laughs as he says “no, you can’t drive to there from Kansas”). He is known far and wide for his ability to coalesce the vapours of human experiential Big Data into a viable and meaningful and fully analytical comprehension.
He began his career working with Tenant’s Special Brew/Buckfast molecules and now explores the royal world of data science, advanced analytics and Big Data. And who doesn’t love a person who has a business based in Govan, but who actually lives in Partick?
As Voltaire might have said “We look to Scotland (and especially to Rab C Nesbitt,) for all our ideas of civilisation (… and big data).”
5 – Tracy O’Troy – Helen’s famous data science sister
A triple threat as an academic, big data scientist and famed opinion writer, canoe-sailing Tracy O’Troy is author of “Dummies for Big Data”, “First Catch Your Data” and “Tell me another one!” If you have ever dreamt of learning about Big Data from a real living Brainiac? Then Tracy is the answer. A Principal Scientist at the Cork Centre for Computational Convergence and chair of MIT’s Harry Bigdata and the Mitten-of-Wool Lab, this well-grounded expert really gets into the flannel behind emerging tools and technologies. Helen is famous for the quote “beware of geeks bearing big data”, which was later reused by her elder sister.
6 – Lizzie Bennet – Superiority and predisposition in big data science
A highly respected analyst with the Longbourn Data Science House, Lizzie Bennett comments on everything from Hadoop to extreme subgenres of heavy metal music. She founded the firm’s Big Data research practice and was named one of the most influential Scrum / Hadoop / Big Data / Python / Anaconda analysts for several years in a row. As Lizzie once famously said “I hear such different accounts of Big Data as puzzle me exceedingly.”
7 – Robin Locksley – Separating the analytical trees from the big data forest
Robin Locksley, who was first introduced to equations by the great philosopher and mathematician Rabbi Tuckman, has become something of a household name in Big Data science and analytics. Robin specialises in legally taking peoples’ personal data and then marking it up and selling it on to the rich and famous. Due to a mix up with the German data protection authorities he is currently living with an army of bodyguards in a secluded villa in Sherwood Forest, at least until the return of his brother from a business trip to the middle-east. At which point everything will be clarified, reconciled and archived.
8 – Betty Béarnaise Fen – The big data gurus’ guru
Raconteur, writer, speaker and industry pundit, Béarnaise Fen reconnoitres the world of Big Data and how it might change business forever, or not. She regularly contributes to the World Economic Fulcrum (alternative edition) and has been flagged by social media greats as one of the “World’s Top 500 Million Business Influencers.” She prides herself on creating shibboleths and destroying received wisdom, including the famous phrase ” You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Béarnaise can fool and lot of people a lot of the time. A gift that she can be extremely proud of.
9 – Paul Lano – big data, from input to output, without touching the sides
Partner and Global Fabrication and Iteration Director at NeverStartThinking, Paul Lano reaches out to the big data conversation through his personalised meta-blog on cloud computing, foggy networking, difficult equations, sparse architecture, BadasS analytics, mega-data-science and fragmented file systems. His deep knowledge is phenomenal, and his stage presence is positively Tedonian. His day-to-day focus is spent in in the fruitfully futile pursuit of business takeaways for grasping and appreciating the power of big data. The journey is hard and long, but where there is a will, there is a will.
10 – Kitty Pryde – the power of extreme data transformation and analysis
When it comes to Big Data, advanced analytics and machine learning, Kitty Pryde is a genuine superhero. A universal expert on all things data, Pryde possesses a “data phasing and transformation” ability that allows her, as well as data objects or data citizens she is in contact with, to become intangible. This power also disrupts any data-streaming fields she passes through, and lets her simulate big data levitation. Kitty was also Chair at CIGPLYR, Supreme Chief Scientist at ten start-ups, and now a self-described “stand-up philosopher.” A respected trailblazer in advanced business analytics and extreme knowledge discovery, she’s currently one of the industry’s leading influencers – with a TUV rating of 75% proof.
That’s all folks
Follow these experts to discover the latest buzz in the big data industry. And if you’d like to learn how to use your data to improve your business, talk to one of our 5th Generation Data Warehousing professionals.
Many thanks for reading
Feel free to share your favourite Big Data sources on twitter @GoodStratTweet or in the comments of this post – we’d love to hear from you.
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